Ouch's Christmas Surgical Stocking
"Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
30th November 2002
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph were all looking miserable.
"Oh dear," said Santa, "what's up with you all?"
Comet, the reindeer union rep, stepped forward.
"I'm very sorry, but none of my reindeer will be able to do a full night's present delivery shift," said Comet, looking sad. "This is the first time we've ever wimped out on you, but we're all feeling lousy this year Santa and, well, we feel you'd be better off with some other helpers just this once."
"Comet, this is disastrous news!" Santa held his head in his hands. "I'm not sure I can get all the presents out to all the little boys and girls without help from my reindeer."
At this, Blitzen and Prancer stepped forward.
"To be honest Santa, we had always worried something like this might happen," said Blitzen, sounding very bunged up. "With this in mind, some years ago Prancer decided to approach another group of magical creatures with special powers who might be able to stand in during an emergency."
"Well, Prancer," Santa turned to the other reindeer whose eyes were streaming, "Do tell me. What is your idea? Which other creatures of the world have magical powers that can match those of my nine wonderful reindeer, of whom so many songs are sung and tales are told?"
"Why ... Guide Dogs, of course!" smiled the reindeer. He turned towards the snowy white plains of Greenland, tapped the ground three times with his hoof, bowed his head and antlers, then majestically reared up making a very loud calling sound that echoed round the four corners of the planet.
"This year," continued Prancer, "your helpers will be: Buttons, Goldie, Honey, Sam, Ben, Max, Anton, Lucy and Lassie."
Santa and his deer stood and stared up at the approaching dogs, who they could now hear barking. When the dogs landed they became silent; the only noise was the north wind howling. Santa, awed by the sight, was about to speak when the leading dog - Buttons - led a single note chorus of howls as a salute to the reindeer whom they would replace this year. Happy, all the reindeers saluted back and in unison returned to their stables.
"Greetings to you, Father Christmas," said Buttons. "Instead of being with our blind owners this year, we want to bring smiles to the faces of all the world's children. We're ready when you are."
Santa smiled and beckoned the creatures. He led them to his workshop. Parked outside was a huge sleigh, loaded with presents of all shapes and sizes. A small green-clad elf was just putting the last present on the top; when it was balanced correctly, he slid down and pushed himself off the side and scarpered back into the warmth. Sam, Ben and Honey had already positioned themselves at the front of the sleigh and barked at the other dogs to join them. As they lifted the sleigh's harness, Santa said:
"Aren't you going to take your own little white harnesses off first?"
"Oh no," spoke up Lucy, the smallest of the dogs, "these are our identity. Guiding is what we do and tonight Santa, we will guide you!"
With the dogs all in place, Santa climbed onto the front of the sleigh, took the reigns in his hands and boomed merrily at the top of his voice:
The dogs pulled and the sleigh took off into the now clear dark blue sky.
"Moosh Sam, gee up Ben, away Max ... away!"
Lucy turned and winked at Lassie. They were both wondering how their owners were getting on. They hoped to be back and curled up at the foot of their beds before they awoke, and chuckled at what their masters would think if they knew they were flying around the world helping to deliver presents.
"Lucy, Lassie, noses forward!" Santa's voice startled them into action. "Anton, stop trying to eat the falling snow," he continued, before breaking into a very loud and satisfied: "Ho ho ho! Keep flying, my little guides. This year," winked Father Christmas, "you dogs will find out what busy really means."
As the sleigh, the jolly old man and the nine magical guiding dogs reached the horizon and flew towards the first of several billion houses on the list, Santa knew that the guide dogs had saved the day and that everything would be all right.
"Merry Christmas, one and all!"
Live community panel
Listen to our regular razor sharp talk show online, or subscribe to it as a podcast. Spread the word: it's where disability and reality almost collide.