Ouch! Talkpermalink
"We've tried to encourage disabled people to join, but none do - we haven't a clue why..."
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I can answer this for you, no really I can, no problem what so ever...
I saw a poster advertising the up and coming speakers addressing a social group who meet once a month in the church hall. So interested I went along.
The first thing the woman on the door said to me was "We've tried to encourage disabled people to join our group, but none do - we haven't a clue why..."
NOTE TO SELF - Otter read between the lines next time and leave before you are subjected to three hours of pure hell.
Pure hell; all 37 members took the time to come and speak to me individually about my disabilities, they didn't introduce themselves as I tried to with them, they were only interested in all the juicey details and they wanted them firsthand not second.
I did contemplate taking to the stage myself, as all seemed much more interested in me than the speaker to say - "ladies, gentleman, hello, I'm Otter, your cripple for this evening"
The what the hell have I got myself into, wasn't helped by one woman, who walked in late and at the top of her voice came out with "What happened to her, what's she done?" and continued to repet this while her friend tried to get her to lower her volume and explained in muted tones about "the invalid". The woman then thought it hilarious to follow me around singing "I'm Jake the peg with my extra legs".
Now if asked in the street why it is that those with disabilities never return? Can anyone give me any pointers of how I might respond politely...
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Posted by STRANGELY STRANGE ( A brain on a spring ) (U2496023) on Friday, 13th November 2009 permalink
Be honest and say you found them overwhelming, patronising and even insulting at one point, then offer to do a talk on disabilities!
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The what the hell have I got myself into, wasn't helped by one woman, who walked in late and at the top of her voice came out with "What happened to her, what's she done?" and continued to repet this while her friend tried to get her to lower her volume and explained in muted tones about "the invalid". The woman then thought it hilarious to follow me around singing "I'm Jake the peg with my extra legs".
Jeez.
Sat here with my mouth open at that.
Wow.
And that person got out alive?
Wow. Again. I'm gobsmacked.This is a reply to this message.
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The woman then thought it hilarious to follow me around singing "I'm Jake the peg with my extra legs".
That is appalling.
Do you have the inclination or spoons to write to the organiser of the group and tell her how discriminatory and totally out of order the members of the group were to you?
That it is no wonder disabled people do not stay on and join the group.This is a reply to this message.
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I did wonder if the women had issues, but no she was totally normal and didn't seem to understand at all how sickening her behaviour was.
Although I live in a city, it was very small town behaviour, if you know what I mean
I have seen one person who was there, this morning, and was asked if I enjoyed the evening, and I did say that I had found it a tad overwhelming and when asked why, I said it the fact that everyone was asking about my disabilities. Their reaction "Doh, well thats just you isn't it, of course everyones going to want to know"
I am lost for words, really I am. I realise that there are many people who see the disability and then the person, but these people obviously don't see the person at all. The most frightening thing was that although many there were retired, all had be professional people and many are still held in regard by the wider community.This is a reply to this message.
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They will never enage with the disabled, they don't go to the same pubs........
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I did wonder if the women had issues, but no she was totally normal and didn't seem to understand at all how sickening her behaviour was.
And people wonder why I take the wee wee out of "normal" - LOLThis is a reply to this message.
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Dude, you were in a roomful of people who have so little meaning to their lives that a once-monthly meetup in a church hall is the highlight of their social calendar.
Hardly surprising that even the most basic aspects of acceptable social conduct have passed them by.This is a reply to this message.
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Otter, I think you should tell where this group of people are to be found, so we all know where not to go.
Or maybe a group of us could all turn up to one of their meetings - now that'd really freak them out!This is a reply to this message.
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Not quite the same, but...
I looked round my neighbourhood for an activity to join in and found a group that looked promising.
I went to meet them at the church hall and found that they socialised before and in between carrying out the activity concerned. Whilst waiting to get started, and having introduced myself and done my usual thing when asked "What do you do?" of explaining that I was not currently in paid work because I had been very ill (my usual explanation as people rarely ask what sort of illness) I found myself in a group ranting about people on benefits.
I left shortly after.This is a reply to this message.
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maybe a group of us could all turn up to one of their meetings - now that'd really freak them out!
Good idea. Count me in!This is a reply to this message.
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A lot want to 'include' disabled because they can claim charity status, maybe get sympathy fo rlooking at uis poor sods, or get exceptions, after that, they talk as if you aren't there. Disabled are in the pubs getting p***ed, that is saying it how it is....
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"Doh, well thats just you isn't it, of course everyones going to want to know"
Good grief.
Mind you at least they asked you to your face. One group I'm a member of waited until I was away before cornering a friend and asking "what's wrong with her?"
My friend said "The usual, I think" which was a wonderful response.
I don't know a good way of dealing with lots of people asking, if they won't take my hint to let it drop (I tend to say "it's a genetic thing, anyway... " and change topic).
Maybe you could have said "I'd rather focus on what I *can* do" and try to change the subject but blimey, no wonder people don't go back.
If you have the spoons I think it would be good to offer to do a talk about awareness or try to find someone who has one prepared. Otherwise they will carry on in their small town unwelcoming manner...
Did any of them offer to pray for you?This is a reply to this message.
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Posted by STRANGELY STRANGE ( A brain on a spring ) (U2496023) on Friday, 13th November 2009 permalink
Actually, the woman who shouted out could have had a condition like Tourettes but the group not think of her as disabled as many AB peeps only equate disability as a physical thing.
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Thanks for your message. Many people have been so fascinated by my body that they abandon etiquette and ask rude questions. In fact, that was most of the social contact I had outside of family and work. I decided just to say, "First, tell me all YOUR private medical information." I know this is exchanging rudeness for rudeness, but in general people get the hint.
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I would have snapped and slapped somebody, possibly after a disappointingly short time. You did well not to.
Next time, should there ever be a next time, be nice to them and lure one into range, then bite them.This is a reply to this message.
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I want to come to this group too. We are in the 21st century, for heavens sake.
I've never learned how to handle this sort of thing in a satisfactory way. So I will look on and learn.
With me it occurs every time I eat a meal out with anyone, as I have food sensitivities. I got fed up with the conversations always being all about my food problems. So the last time I replied that I had food sensitivities but that I would be grateful if we did not talk about it anymore as it was a rather boring conversation. The room went into stunned silence!This is a reply to this message.
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<laugh.
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Sorry, was laughing about TraumaDoll's suggestion about biting people.
Actually I still am
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Yes Hossy, that one made me laugh too. It is OK, I realised that we had pushed 'send' together.
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