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What on earth happened to you?
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Why is it, when you meet someone new for the first time, they feel the need to bring your disabilty/ies to the top of the conversation.
It begins as soon as I say Hi, they either take a step back, or move their chair back, look you up and down and come out with "what on earth happened to you" or a stronger version and usually I am lost for words. Correct me if I'm wrong but do the Able always have to start new Able to Able friendships with a full knowledge of medical history? -
Yes, This happened to me lots of times after my spinal cord injury. Unfortunatey people see the chair first and can't help but comment. They often want to take all the medical facts.
I still get this occassionaly and I hate it.
I think I will have a t-shirt made with
"Sorry No medical questions answered, Give me the hot gossip instead!"
I sometimes find other people talking about me and what I "might" be suffering from in resturants, or worse, listening to ever word I say because I am obviously more interesting than them or I speak Alien or something!
If I meet you in the street, I promise not to mention your chair!!!!!!
lol
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i am not saying its easy, i am saying, i wud rather it that, than have a hidden disability that they can't see, and then having to explain why u dont work, or after an 'incident'.
they must remain as removed as possible from ur disability, and so finding out how it happened probably goes into their brain as "i must make sure i dont....." etcThis is a reply to this message.
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Yes it drives me bonkers. When i went out and about on crutches i was endlessly getting asked by people things like:
What've you done?
You been skiing?
You're looking well / walking well (faces like shattered glass when i tell them i'm disabled as they then retreat)
What's up with you?
Will you get better followed by why not?
What a waste of a good looking girl like you (that one really bugs me..... so suddenly i'm not attractive anymore then?)
Now the wheelchair is here and i go out in that most of time i now tend to only get from time to time:
ill you get better?
And although it's nice to have some people be nice to you because it hits them slap bang in the face that your a disabled person (it's still nice to have someone be kind and pleasant to you) i think i now don't really get taken seriously like i have now been placed on a much lower order than others?This is a reply to this message.
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Happens all the time and somehow I always end up feeling as if I'm the difficult one because I refuse to get drawn in. I'm back at work, just attended a seminar and in the break got into a conversation with someone I've not met before:
Them: I see you've got a stick.
Me: Yup.
Them: I had to use crutches once and was shocked with the way people treated me. Unbelievable, the questions they asked - like they had the right to pry! I'll never forget that and try to bear it in mind whenever I meet disabled people.
Me: Sorry to hear you had to learn that way but it's good that you have.
Them: So err... What's wrong with you, then?
Me: Speechless. Again.This is a reply to this message.
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I had an interview at the DWP yesterday. 30 minutes after I was due to be seen (and by which point I was in so much pain I was shaking) someone finally comes to find me. He makes a few excuses about people being out sick, but the first thing he really says to me is 'So, have you had an accident'.
Aaargh!
I'd sort of hoped that given the delay he might have sneaked a peak at my file and realised that not only are they well aware of my disability, but I'd been seeing their DEA, that they've accepted I only need to look within a limited radius for jobs and so on. But apparently, like courtesy, competence is too much to hope for.
(And this is an office with at least two wheelchair-using members of staff!)This is a reply to this message.
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Someone once walked past me on the High Street and asked "have you always been like that?" But then didn't stop to find out the answer, she just carried on walking!
It was like it's the done thing to do. You know how if you pass someone you know to say "hello" to you do say "hello" as you pass them even though you don't stick around for and kind of conversation. It was like that was her thought process "OK, a cripple. Must ask if she's always been like that because that's what you're supposed to do."
Needless to say I had to shout my snarky remark after her.This is a reply to this message.
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What a waste of a good looking girl like you
I've had that a couple of times when I've come out to someone (male) as gay.
Of course, I didn't come out until I was 20. So until then I was vaguely on the lookout for a bloke (I won't say "interested in men" because that would suggest, well, interest). And in all that time not one bloke was ever interested in me. So I think it's fairly safe to say that these blokes who claim me being gay is a "waste" would not have been remotely interested in me if I wasn't so wasteful.This is a reply to this message.
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The most annoying for me is when I'm with someone else and a stranger asks what I've done to myself. I politely explain that I really don't want to talk about it, and the stranger then immediately asks my companion...
That really shows a complete lack of anything approaching manners.This is a reply to this message.
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I find the constant attention on joking around me to feel better is weird - it's a really tricky social situation. People want to make you feel better, so they say all sorts they'd say if you'd had an accident, or was a bit poorly. If you don't join in, the danger is that nobody ever hears what is wrong with you. However, if you do, then you might have long rounds of questioning and/or odd comments. Usually of the ho, ho, ho, you're a cripple, and I'm determined to be NORMAL around you sort.
I believe I got my full acceptance into disability recently, as my GP called me BRAVE. Yup, anyone want to play wheelchair bingo? That would get you started for ten.
My stock answers are - I have an illness that affects energy levels. I have to be careful how much I do. Blah blah blah, anyway, how are you?
I use a wheelchair on and off. The strangest comments include - your'e too young to have a wheelchair, and recently, when arriving at a church whose only ever seen me use a stick before, a lady asked if I was better now. No idea if that was political correctness gone a bit odd. Er, no, er, the wheelchair usually indicates, I'm worse....but, er, thanks, I think.This is a reply to this message.
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Oh, and recently I had the look of pity. A lady came up to chat, told me I was welcome to join her group, and was very fazed indeed when I said I couldn't get there without help.
I cring when I think I may have inadvertantly done this in the past (used to be a volunteer with disabled adults). Never had the look of pity before (definitely a bingo point), and astonished to realise people really do do the dutiful chat, rather than the genuine let's be friends chat.This is a reply to this message.
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