Do I have to go to school today?

"I've got stomach ache." "My head hurts." "I feel sick." I think most parents are familiar with these Monday morning moans. It seems that one of the unwritten rules for children is to moan about school and state how much they loathe the place, whilst a parent's unwritten rule is to make placating noises whilst sending them there anyway.

Nevertheless, whilst able to recall tyrannical teachers and bothersome bullies, most of us are also able to retell some good times, even if it's only to remember the snogging behind the bike shed!

It seems that one of the unwritten rules of school is that everyone has to conform. How they dress. How they speak. How they behave. These rules are embedded into the very heart of the education system, and whilst most children learn to carve themselves a niche, some are just too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too dark, too light. At school being different just ain't cool!

From an early age, Luke has really struggled to cope with a school environment. Having Asperger Syndrome (AS) means he has difficulty with communication, social interaction and imagination - all the things needed in abundance at school!

Communication is a two-way thing, and whilst society may see those with Asperger's as the ones with the difficulties, surely the blame lies on both sides? For children on the autistic spectrum, school is often a nightmare of confusion and chaos. As a parent of children with autistic spectrum differences, it has been my job to pick up the pieces and be the proverbial kicked cat.

Whilst many parents like myself often get bogged down with the weight of our mediator, negotiator, advisor and protector's hat, it seems as if there is no choice in any of this. But there is!

Education may be compulsory, but school certainly isn't. Legally, a parent is obliged to educate their child to their age and ability, but this does not necessarily have to be in a school. It is not compulsory for a child to follow the national curriculum, nor is it compulsory for them to take exams. Furthermore, parents do not need to be teachers or have qualifications to teach their children at home. This is exciting news for many.

Many schools refuse to acknowledge the differences of children with AS, AD/HD or other hidden disabilities, and often bullying is not dealt with severely but seen as a 'toughening up' process. If parents raise concerns of this nature, they are often labelled as overprotective and are told that the children seem fine at school. Much needed support is either withdrawn or not given due to funding issues.

However, some schools are willing to try and make concessions, and some teachers do want to learn and often feel as helpless as the parents.

Luke, like many AS children, also has coordination problems and so loathed games with a passion. The games teacher gave him a differentiated programme. Luke was still not coping. Again I went in to sort out the problems and eventually he was removed from games completely - an ideal scenario, one would have thought.

Luke also struggled with handwriting. The school's solution was to give him a laptop computer - another perfect solution, one would have thought. The only problem with this was that the 'laptop' was actually a Word Processor, and one which had very blocky print. For someone so into computers as Luke, this merely added insult to injury. Not only that, but it was also something extra for Luke to remember to carry around and to get in trouble for when he forgot it!

Luke struggled not only with remembering to write down homework, but also with the concept of homework - school being for school and home being for home. After trialling many methods, accommodations were made so that extra work was done at school and the teachers wrote in a diary what he was to do. Seems perfect, eh?!

But despite such accommodations, Luke is now home educated. Distressed to the point of despair, school just did not work for him. Whilst some schools refuse to make any concessions, these illustrations of flexibility at Luke's former school serve to highlight the fact that sometimes, regardless of effort made, nothing works.

Perhaps the only thing that would work is for a parent or carer to follow the child around and iron out the inevitable misunderstandings between pupils and teachers? Totally impractical, of course!

All too often, it seems that school and 'disability' just do not mix - particularly a 'hidden disability' such as an autistic spectrum difference. It's ironic that as the school system becomes more and more rigid, so children on the spectrum with their own rigid way of living are squeezed to the point of destruction.

So where does the blame lie? The teachers? The children? The parents? Whilst each seeks to blame the other, all too often the blame lies nowhere other than with an under-funded, inflexible system.

Since I removed Luke from school, I have had emails telling of children with Asperger's attacking their parents the minute they come through the school gate. I have heard tales of children refusing to speak and withdrawing to their rooms for hours on end. Tales of children as young as eight years old being on antidepressants fill me with horror, and reports of children who are picking their skin and digging holes in their arms to the point where they are bleeding sends shivers down my spine.

I am not an expert or even well established in the whole home education way of life, and certainly do not profess to be. I have a lot to learn, and look forward to doing so. One thing I can say, however, is that in the few short weeks that Luke has been out of school, the changes in him have to be seen to be believed.

He now laughs and jokes and interacts fully with the rest of the family, washes voluntarily (unbelievable, I know!) and says that on a happiness rating scale of 1 to 10 he rates at least 11!

He 'socialises' far more than when he was at school as he can now choose who he mixes with. The difficulty now is keeping up with all his activities!

All over the world, there are adults and children who have been scarred by a failing education system. My only bitter regret - and one that I will have to live with for the rest of my life - is that I didn't remove Luke from school sooner and put a stop to the daily torture he was enduring.

I cannot blame the teachers, nor the pupils, nor Luke, nor even myself (though it is hard not to) for the difficulties Luke encountered at school. Sometimes, square pegs simply don't fit into round holes!