Patricia Smith (her name has been changed to keep her privacy) is a 19 year old student who had an abortion carried out four months ago.

Thanks for agreeing to speak on such a personal subject. What was your reaction when you first found out you were pregnant?
When I knew I was several weeks late, I did a home pregnancy test, and it confirmed what I'd been thinking. I was horrified to be honest; I just sat in the bathroom and cried for hours.

Why did it get you so upset?
There were so many reasons; everything just became so bleak in a split second. When I was late, I knew that pregnancy could be a possibility. It got me thinking of all the ways my life would change if I was pregnant and every thought just terrified me. I’d have to give up my studies, I’d have to move back home, I wouldn’t be able to afford it, my parents would’ve gone mental, my boyfriend was on and off, we had a really turbulent relationship anyway, so this was hardly going to help.

So keeping it was never an option?
No, the only person I spoke to about it was my boyfriend and he said he didn’t mind either way, but I knew he was only saying that for my benefit. I could tell he didn’t want it. How was I going to bring it up on my own? and the most important thing was I felt I was too young. I’d be missing out on so much by having such a huge responsibility which I just wasn’t ready for.

That must have been an awful burden, why didn’t you tell any friends?
I just felt ashamed, and I didn’t want to bring them down, we’d be out and they’d be talking about going out and stuff and I’d just be thinking about the pregnancy.

How long did it take you to make a decision?
The next day.

How long did you have to wait for the procedure?
About a week.

What about after the operation, were you instantly relieved?
No, the long term problem was gone, but I felt awful, only then did I start to think maybe I should’ve kept it. I was feeling really sick and was laid up in bed for ages, I always felt so emotional, my hormones were going crazy and I wasn’t dealing with it well, I refused the counselling session I was offered because I just didn’t want to talk to anyone, I really withdrew into myself.

What was the worst part of the whole ordeal?
Finding out was awful, and it was one of the lowest points I’d ever been in my life. But the worst was when my boyfriend said he couldn’t handle me being so stressed and left me, that was really when I got really depressed. He was the only person who knew what I was going through and he left me, but in a strange way that’s when things started to get better.

How did that make things better?
Well, really they just couldn’t get any worse and then I couldn’t even hide it anymore, my friends knew I'd been acting strange but I’d been asking them to leave me alone, then soon after I was dumped, I just stopped lying. One of my best friends from home came to see me and I told her everything.

That helped?
It was such a relief, I told her and she told my parents and my other close friends, they all thought I’d just started to be odd because I was getting freshers blues or something. Everyone was amazing, my parents were so supportive, I took a couple of weeks off uni and went home. I needed to be around people who could help me and that circle of people really saved me.

How do you feel now?
Much better, I went for a belated counselling session and that helped, I just wish I’d told people sooner, it wouldn’t have made the decision any easier or different, but at least I wouldn’t have felt alone.

Do you have any advice for people in similar situations?
Try not get pregnant!

Apart from that?
Don’t go through it alone. Tell people close to you. I was ashamed and thought people would look down on me, especially my parents, but they turned out to be absolutely wonderful, the decision in the end is always yours, but just having the support and understanding while you make and go through that decision would make a world of difference.

-----

If you’d like further information or advice on abortions go to the Marie Stopes International website at www.mariestopes.org.uk
Or the family planning advice centre at www.fpa.org.uk.