Simon Morsten is a 21 year old student at Nottingham Trent University who got tested for sexually transmitted diseases five months ago at an NHS walk in clinic.

So… who’s been a naughty boy then?
Yeah, you know how it is, you get caught up in the moment and go ahead with things thinking bad stuff won’t happen to you, but it does…

Do you remember that night in particular?
Yeah, met a girl at a popular watery venue one Wednesday, I went back to hers and we...

Woah woah, I can gather what happened that night. Tell us about the day after, when did you realise something was wrong?
Truth be told, next day I was going into uni and I had a really bad itch in my backside. It passed but it was pretty random.

Later on I suddenly felt like I was bursting for the loo and when I went it was really painful - I was getting a really bad burning feeling. After that I needed to go every few hours.

Simon has requested that we keep his identity hidden

I was dreading every trip cos it was really burning and the longer I tried to go without relieving myself the worse the burn got when I did go.

What did you do next?
I really panicked for a while, but then I took a friends advice and called the NHS helpline.

They gave me an address and times of a walk-in clinic, where you can go for a test without an appointment so I went down.

The lady on the 'phone said it was important that I went as soon as possible.

That probably only made you more nervous?
Yeah, everyone in the waiting room looked like they were in the same boat, just scared out their minds.

All in all we were there for hours, but no one said a word to each other.

We just sat about trying to look inconspicuous and reading leaflets bout what we might have.

Sat for hours? Why?
You do things in stages. First you wait to see the receptionist to give your details, then you wait to see a nurse who asks you questions about why you're there and the night before, then wait some more til your called in for the tests.

What do they involve?
Dropping your trousers to get a swab done, which before you ask is basically someone sticking a pointy looking ear bud type thing into the tip of your knob and swirling it round a bit… several times!

(I sat speechless not really able to comprehend)… but things aren’t supposed to go in there...
Exactly.

Did it hurt?
What do you think? It gets worse though, after that you gotta get a urine sample.

Getting those first few drops out is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You’ll never take pissing for granted after that let me tell you… or your knob for that matter.

(The thought made me wince) My deepest sympathies pal, how were the results?
I had NSU (non specific urethritis) but it could have been chlamydia.

I was reading some pamphlets while I was waiting and apparently it can make you infertile amongst other things as well as pissing fire. And that’s just at the low end of the spectrum, some of the other diseases could kill you.

They gave me antibiotics, the burning stopped after a few days and when I went for the follow up appointment a few weeks later I was all clear. I was really lucky.

Does NSU get you discount anywhere?
Huh?

Nothing… what did the check up involve?
More swabs - it was just as painful but I was a little more prepared this time. Then I booked another follow up appointment for a blood test a few months later.

Why a blood test?
It takes up to three months for Hepatitis and HIV to show up in your blood - so I had to have one to make sure I hadn’t caught anything else.

Three months? That must have been torture. How were those results?
All clear, I was so relieved…

Were there any more swabs?
Thank god no!

Why do they take so many in the first place?
They gotta check for different things at first and then see if the antibiotics have cured them after you’ve taken the course.

And probably partly to teach you a lesson! I don’t mean to be naive, but why didn’t you take any precautions?
Didn’t think I was gonna get lucky, so I didn’t take any rubbers out with me, and I didn’t have any change to get some when I did.

You don’t need change; condoms are free from any clinic. Besides don’t you think you should have taken precautions?
Yeah, I should’ve (Simon looked a little sheepish but then suddenly added) but I did wash my willy in the sink afterwards!

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Simon seemed surprised that his ‘Dettol episode’ in that random girls sink had proved too little too late, but he did say he’s never putting himself in that situation again, some people just learn the hard way.

Simon admits he was lucky but he’s heard of others who aren’t. Cases of HIV in particular are on a dramatic increase. So next time please think about whether that 20 minute (or in Simon’s case, three and a half minute) unprotected shag is worth it.

If you want any advice on STDs call NHS direct on 08 45 46 47 or visit the website at www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk Students can also seek advice from their campus welfare offices.