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24 September 2014
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Do you speak 'Estate Agent'?
A cosy cottage ideal for the DIY enthusaist? Or a derelict outhouse in need of drastic modernisation?
A cosy cottage ideal for the DIY enthusaist? Or a derelict outhouse in need of drastic modernisation?

Property descriptions are renowned for leaving a lot to the imagination...

..so with tongue firmly in cheek, we've devised some phrases to help you see beyond the estate agent's rose-tinted descriptions!

Property descriptions can leave a lot to the imagination, so we've devised some Danger Phrases which will help you see through the rose-tinted glow of the estate agent's description...

For a hands-on translation of estate-agent-speke, see our property adverts below.

They say...
Read as...
deceptively spacious
a shoebox with one cupboard
would suit a DIY enthusaist or a first-time buyer
it's a barely-standing ruin
in the midst of similar properties
they all look the same - difficult to find your house after a night on the town
cosy, cottage, easily managed
tiny
priced to sell
what does this mean!? does it mean that other properties are not priced to sell?
up-and-coming area
dodgy deals on every corner
executive
naff
"view now to avoid disappointment", or "early viewing recommended"
one to beware of when the house has been on the market for eight months...
"white" bathroom suite
why the inverted commas? Perhaps it could be cleaner...
older style fittings
as old as your gran
needs to be viewed from the inside to be appreciated
hmmm...not too good from the outside!
in need of upgrading
chintz-mania
convenient for the railway station
you can see the departures board from the garden and hear the announcements from the bedroom

Do you know of any more gems of estate-agent-ese?
Or perhaps you've looked round a house only to find it was far from what you expected?
Let us know!

Here are some of our property adverts which compare the dream with the reality to reveal the true meanings behind the jargon...

The dream... The reality...
cottages Ruin
A cosy cottage Tight on space, limited headroom
Original period features with cottage-style character Victorian kitchen and bathroom with original fittings
Very private cottage-style gardens 18ft high hedges and overgrown bushes
Will benefit from improvement and refitting Dreadful condition, not fit for human habitation
Ideal opportunity for investors and DIY specialists alike Needs substantial structural building work

 

The dream... The reality...
Juliet balcony Council flats
Deceptively spacious one bedroom top floor apartment Shoebox with one cupboard
Executive Children not welcome
Juliet balcony Pretentious term for an ordinary balcony
Picture windows with views of green area Look closely on a clear day you can sometimes see a bit of greenery in the distance


The dream... The reality...
Suburbia Rooftops
Needs to be viewed internally to be appreciated The outside will definitely put you off
In the midst of similar properties On a large estate
Realistically priced to provide an ideal investment opportunity Cheap because no one wants it


If you have a comment, fill in the form below

Sonia Hollins
Beautifully presented ?Somebody's run a duster over it??


low maintenance garden ie. covered in gravel and used as the local cat loo convenient for local amenities ie. next to Boyes



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