All things Christmassy!

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A 3 pack of brown Yfronts - I wouldn't have minded but I'm female.

A guy called Bryn once gave me one (used and grubby) raffia coaster, hurriedly gift-wrapped. Looking for a redeeming factor, I asked if he'd made it himself. He said no.

My mother in law bought me a farting gnome for some obscure reason a few years back. I didn't have the heart to say anything so he was thrown away a few weeks later.

A bag of grapes, just the one, with a Buy-One-Get-One-Free sticker on it!!

Half a tub of face cream

My mother in law actually purchased and lovingly wrapped...in a plastic bag mind you...SEVERAL cans of green beans and corn. This was one of the three fine gifts (add sarcasm liberally please). I promptly gave them away to my ex-husband later during the holiday.

A lighter ... with a flame that makes a blow torch look like a candle. The flame gushes from an opening beak in a birds head as the eyes flash red and the words "I love you" are squeaked at a volume easily audible over a road drill.

Painted Bones. My Mother in Law went to the butcher and got some left over bones which she painted brown and gave to me for Xmas as knucklebones. They smelt really bad. I am a 30 year old female and what she thought I was going to do with some stinky painted bones is a mystery.

When asked what I would like for Christmas I always say socks, this came back to haunt me as everybody body actually did buy me socks I ended up with 38 pairs...

My Auntie who comes round for xmas dinner every year and knows I am a Vegatarian bought me a Meat dish cook book last year and as we open presents after lunch in front of the whole family this was quite embarrasing for me. My husband to this day laughs about it.

Many years ago when I was living in a bedsit, the chap in the next room came round on Christmas eve and presented me with a cauliflower and a swede. Well, it's the thought that counts!

Some diet pills!

Sausage making machine

Frilly Apron off my Auntie

my ex mother in law gave me a coffee jar with some pot pourri in it which smelt awful and to top it off shed cut a piece of net curtain and put it on with a rubber band naff or what!

a 'can cut anything' kitchen knife!

not my worst present, but a strange one. My granda got my granny a donkey for christmas becase she said she didn't want any jewellery or anything with a plug

a cherry berry hat

When I was about 7, Auntie Pat/ Uncle Kevin gave me a pair of men's shoes (size 8).

A Packet Of Curry Powder

A black tight fitting T shirt with the words "Porn Star" wrote largely, across the chest in dymante. This was a gift from my fathers partner. I am a quiet person who does not socialise much and hates being the centre of attention.

one bath cube!.

An electric Wok unboxed last year

a dark purple dressing gown with a rose on the collar which was suitable for an old lady! my mam actually bought me it while i was pregnant with my first child.

I once received a horrible clown money box.it had been hand painted and was really creepy! it showed its head and shoulders and its face was awful.

battery operated potato peeler, i haven't even taken it out of the box that was two years ago

a sick colour jumper

My worst present at christmas was a plastic lamb chop dog toy.

A YELLOW JUMPER

a hat the same as in the film loser which was worn by jason biggs. it was far to big

I'D HAD A BIT OF A FALL OUT WITH MY SISTER, AND WHEN I OPENED MY PREZZIE, IT WAS A LOO BRUSH!!

A pair of high, spike-heeled shoes - I've broken my ankle three times and can only wear flat shoes, plus my husband is three inches shorter than me as it is. Duh!

Mother-in-law bought herself an expensive microwave that was a combined bread-maker. For Christmas that year I and all her grandchildren had a loaf of bread wrapped in Christmas paper! Also one year I mentioned that I could do with a large spoon to serve trifle etc. Sure enough, the following christmas I got a table-spoon!

A pair of pants my nana bought me for xmas she must off thought i was fat because im a size 10 and she bought me a size 16 they could off fit me twice.looked like something off bridget jones diary

A pair of pyjamas for my daughters first christmas that were five years too big for her and meant for a boy.

a dinghy pump aunty lily bought me thinking it was a bycyle pump, I don't own a dinghy

Salmonella food poisoning from a party!

a packet of cat treats!

A Pair of Nutcrackers that were hideous from my mum!

a shoe polishing kit

The biggest knickers in the world from my grandma - EVERY year!!!

A blackhead remover which was given to me in front of all my family and was videoed for future prosperity!

pot pourri gift set

Make Your Own Pottery Elephant

an oven glove! It was the most horrible shade of green and was not even heatproof - I turned a horrible shade of green when I saw it.

I got a multi-coloured patchwork leather handbag from my Mum's Boyfriend's Mum when I was about 12. I even thought it was disgusting then, as did my little sister who got a matching one!

SCENTED TOILET PAPER FROM MY NAN

The present was wrapped in PILES of cellotape and on opening I'd been given a desk set with pens, blu tac, etc... and cellotape... which had been used to seal the present!

furry granny boots from my mum when 13, ironically very trendy now, but not in 1978!!

A sausage making machine

Was 2 Royal Navy cigarettes when locked up for 28 days for a "crime" I didn't commit

when i was just developing boobs my aunt sent me 2 supposed to be white but had gone a funny browney yellow with age second hand jumble sale bras,the fact they were 36C didnt enter her head when i was the tender age of 12...

My grandma incorrectly named mine and my cousins presents one year. My cousin received a football top and i received some pink pyjamas with bunnies on.

A lie detector because my bro's b-day is 4th of Jan so he asked me on the 3rd if i'd got his present yet. (Which i hadn't).

Huge bag of 100 tea lights. Received 2 years ago and there are still 98 lights left.

I have had all the usual dodgy gifts over the years from odd smelling aftershaves and novelty socks but the worst EVER had to be from my grandmother a few years back. She bought me a boot bag to keep my football/rugby boots in. Not a bad gift at first but then I have been in a wheelchair for the last 12 years and disabled practically all my life! I said thanks of course but laughed my head off and have never told her to save her feelings.

One year I quizzed my Mum to see if she would like the Barry Manilow album. She did not seem bothered so I left it. On Christmas Day I opened my pressies to find that she had bought it for me!! Yuk!

FLAMING MAD! a yucky faded pink and brown candle, when lit the flame shot four foot in the air.... my whippet and greyhound ran for their lives and i fetched the water.. i found out that my mums neighbour who gave the the damn thing had kept it in her attic for years and years.

An orange Macrame hanging plant holder

Mum in Law gave me two old tea towels the first year after I married her precious son - I made him wash up for three months afterwards to compensate!

a pair of embroidery scissors held in the skirt of a peg-doll which also had pot-pourri in it - every time the scissors were taken out pot-pourri went flying everywhere

Balaclave from my gran with the eyehole over my mouth !

Eggs, flour, dried fruit, sugar, black treacle so i could make my own christmas cake....!

some plastic flowers my boyfriend actually thought they were real because they had fake water on them which glistened like raindrops

A Maori edition of The Cat in the Hat!

when I was 18 I received a shocking pink sweatshirt with two non cute kittens on the front yukk!

asked mum for some fashionable leg warmers, (we're talking the 80s here!), she got me bright red ones that no teenager would have been seen dead in, wore them to go out in to please her took them off at top os street, placed in bottom of wardrobe for many a year!

You can never have enough Christmas puddings can you? I got 10 mini Christmas puddings from my Mum - she said because I like them!

The worst christmas present i received was a small box of christmas chocolates. I gave these to a friend four years ago and then last year they gave me it back. Not to mention it was out of date

A book called "Cr*p Towns II", and yes, my town was in it!!

musical boxer shorts

Anti-Smoking tablets

A second hand coat!

a jar of old chewed chewing gum in all different colours. i asked my brother a few weeks before to look out for unusual signs of colour for a college brief. and he actually gave it to me warpped up as a present

A portable female toilet called the Whizz off my lovely mickey-taking ex-boyfriend - so I can be more like a man !

Facial hair lightening creme, from soon-after ex boyfriend. His mum gave me padded bra inserts, obviously torn out! Bad? Opened in front of both respective families!!!

every year i get a pair of very naff earrings from the same auntie without fail,you just have to say thanks though.

A purple Christmas tree shaped air freshener

2 years ago at the grand old age of 34 I received a white fluffy adults Baby Grow

A pack of toilet roll with father christmas on them

a 30 foot long electric blue inflatible walrus pool toy - I live in a council flat, and I don't have a pool, but my auntie won it in a competition, and thought I'd like it!

A cockroach encased in glass from my mum.

SOCKS !!!!

Buy one get one free voucher for a chain of pubs! The person seemed to think it was like a gift voucher

A foot massager - I only have one leg!

A tissue box cover which made the box look like a chintzy and lace settee with a little teddy sat on it

Door seal for washing machine. From Husband

A pair of inflatable slippers.

An iron and ironing board off my husband, and to think I bought him a playstation!

When I was 14 (many years ago) my aunt & uncle bought me a lone ranger mask & a matching snake belt, it was the worst present I had ever received. Today's youngsters will not appreciate how bad this present was.

A pottery paperweight, painted brown, from my five-year old nephew, that looks like a t*rd..

A fire extinguisher from my wife, she thought it was a good idea !

A teapot

My grandmother once bought me a toilet bell, if someone tried the door you had to ring once for a number 1 (wee) and twice for a number 2!!!

A potato peeler!!

wolly bedsocks off my mother in law great with central heating

A Shopping bag made from sack material and from the same friend the following year a pocket size of tissues in a fancy cover!

a box of after eights that was empty apart from one

a 2 cm blue hippo fridge magnet

a set of pens from my mum in law that all had somebody elses name on them (she loved going round the carboots at the time)

An oven glove! Not even a decent one- it was so grotty it went straight into the bin.

It was a sparkly pen, and two shaped soaps, unwrapped and randomly thrown in with the pen, I was 19. My sister got a handcarved indian mirror!!!! The next year the same aunty forgot about me altogether!!

A chip pan from my EX husband - we were still married at the time!

a set of three red plastic coat hangers from my sister in law....she must have got a job lot because the next year I got another three!!!

I AM 39 YEARS OLD. MOST LADS GET A ILL FITTING HIDEOUS JUMPER FOR A PRESENT. BUT MY MOTHER WENT ONE STEP FUTHER AND GAVE ME A 'KNIT YOUR OWN JUMPER' PAKAGE FROM THE USA, WHICH CONSISTED OF WOOL AND NEEDLES TO CREATE MY VERY OWN HAND MADE ILL FITTING DISASTEROUS HIDEOUS JUMPER.

My Aunty gave me a pair of slippers when I was a little girl. I felt like one of cinderella's Ugly Sisters because as much as I tugged & struggled I could not get one big foot into the dainty slipper. My Aunty laughed & took them away promising to change them for a larger pair but she never bought me any more - I am still waiting 47 years later!!!!

A BREAD MAKING MACHINE - IT FILLED THE HOUSE AND THE WHOLE STREET WITH THE OVERWHELMING SMELLOF BAKING BREAD AND THERE WAS NO WAY OF GETTING AWAY FROM IT. wE SET THE TIMER FOR COOKING DURING THE NIGHT BUT THE SMELL WOKE US UP AT 5 0CLOCK IN THE MORNING!

An OLIVE green two-piece pleated skirt-suit from my mother-in-law...size 16 when I was 25 and a size 10!

It ws a clothes freshener, in the shape of a Christmas Tree!

A toilet... and that's all i'm saying about that!

A Whoopie cushion - my niece jumped on it and burst it!

i had a friend 25 yr ago who worked in a paper manufacturing business, he gave me this HUGE box at xmas, upon opening it with excitement,no idea what it could be,out came 144 toilet rolls!!!

Black Balaclava. I asked my husband to surprise me with some nice clothes,I was really excited.i could not believe he bought me a black balaclava with the eye holes cut out, he said it was to keep my ears warm. He is now my ex!!!!!

An advent calendar from my mum - obviously she missed the whole point of them!

Bubble Bath - we don't have a bath! (only a shower)

A childrens Rhyming Dictionary from my Mother.I'd asked for a decent Dictionary for reference...I was 25 and think she needed glasses when buying!

SPICE GIRLS BOOK

THE BOOK I GAVE MY BROTHER THE YEAR BEFORE

A NEW IRON.I HATE IRONING.

One dozen pairs of bright pink marigold gloves from my wife (her hint to me that she wanted a dishwasher! for christmas)

Boxer shorts

A fright! When I woke and looked at my Christmas stocking across the room (I was 6) a grotesque shape protruded from the top through the gloom. My parents had to coax me out from under the bedclothes several hours later: the scary object turned out to be a Mickey Mouse puppet

A much too small jumper and a ladyshave take on anohr significance when they come from your mother-in-law,( now ex mother-in-law)

A fat rolling pin - rubber suckers, wooden handles, for rolling up and down fat bits (from Mother in law)

My aunt was a "crafter" and the family always got hand made gifts at Christmas, usually what was deemed unsuitable for the church bazaar. When I was about seven, my present was an emerald green felt-covered cocoa tin filled with sand and decorated with embroidery. It even had a covered handle and lid. It was a DOORSTOP, highly suitable!!!

book about arthritis

i was given a pair of tartan leg warmers with tassles and bells yes BELLS on them

I was 13 in 1971 and considered myself a bit of a trendy, but one Xmas I was given an itchy Blue Tweed coat, with huge horn buttons and a bright orange fake fur collar and matching cuffs. 3 sizes too big, so that I would have "growing room" Needless to say, the only growing I did, was grow to hate is more and I eventually 'lost it'on a school trip. Oh dear what a shame.

1 box of 24 plugs from a (now ex) boyfriend

Living away from home for the first time I overslept one morning which didn't go down well at my new workplace. That year at christmas I received no fewer than 4 alarm clocks with various deafening chimes !!

a milk jug and a potato peeler wrapped in 2 parcels and it was our first christmas from my husband, we are now on our 24th christmas and ive not let him forget it

I was given a Man Utd. top by my mum in the mid 1970's - I asked for an Arsenal one, mum said "The man in the shop said it was Arsenal" I still have the scars today!

a box to hold tissues, it was a bright red velvet with gold coloured gilding on the edges, it would have been better placed in Moulin Rouge, red is my least favourite colour & of course it was a present from the mother-in-law out of a £ shop

a microwave browning dish !

I used to collect the magazine History of Rock and my girlfriend, for my main christmas present brought me 10 washable hard backed binders for them !?!?!?!?!?!

1 moped lesson - I don't have a moped!!!!

A certificate (obviously home-made) showing that a town somewhere in Asia had been named after me.

I cannot cook and my neighbour gave me her left over turkey. That night I went to make a sandwich and it was full of maggots. It’s the thought that counts though.

a bright orange towelling caftan from my mother in law

My aunt gave me some of her old clothes for "dressing up" - and they weren't even suitable for that!

A packet of putty from my father-in-law.Old stock from his hardware business!

A bra 2 sizes too big - how insulting, from an (EX) boyfriend!!!

a james bond kit with plastic gun and i.d. Iwas 18; it was from my uncle; I think he got a bit mixed up.

I'd asked for a watch and my husband bought 5 litres of engine oil and gave me the free plastic one that came with...I didn't speak to him all Christmas.

My boyfriend very thoughfully bought me a back parcel shelf for my Metro last Christmas. We're getting married next year, don't like to think what i'll get then, maybe a steering wheel cover!

A shower cap - very plastic, very retro in browns and creams! And, I never wear one. A gift from Mother-in-law, of course.

A bag of pegs from my husband - brightly coloured plastic ones not even the wooden type.

An antiseptic 'spot stick' from my Mum when I was about 14. The most thoughtful of gifts for the sensitive teenager!!

i was once given a my little pony t-shirt which wouldn't be too bad but i was 16 and i had to wear it for christmas day and boxing day. aaaarrrrgggghhhhh

A knitted handbag(!) made by my nan

Dustbin Lid - lets say christmas dinner was slightly frosty!

a skipping rope!

one of those hats that jason biggs wore in the film loser, it was grey ouside and crean inside, far too big and my mam thought i'd like it, my hubby wears it

Second hand toilet roll

Joe 90 video I am a 26 year old girl who has never been into puppets

A very expensive sludge coloured pashmina scarf which stank of goat, which I couldn't return because it came from the US!

A TOILET BRUSH AND HOLDER AND IT WAS WRAPPED IN CHRISTMAS PAPER.

A bathrobe my husband gave me because mine was really tatty, but he only gave it to me because he liked it himself and then knicked it.

mulled wine spices (i don't drink)

Tin of emulsion

Princess Tina Ballet Book and I never did ballet!!!

dressing gown four sizes to big

slippers that were too big also a nightdress too big as well

A black tight fitting T shirt with the words Porn Star across the front of it in dimante.

a horrible jumper from my nan

Not MY worse present (thank goodness), but years ago I used to wrap presents for my Nan - and one year she gave my cousin a 'Guiness Book Of World Records' (which was 12 years out of date) and a ''Join The Dots'' puzzle book, with half of the book completed!

a green and yellow striped yellow jumper with a lacey collar that my 87 year old knitted (i look like a bumble bee!)

chocolate coins - because they were made in a factory using nuts, I'm allergic to nuts and I couldn't have them.

A deep fat frier ... and he knew I was on a diet!

a second-hand macrame handbag (off-white) with an opened pair of american tan tights inside it from my Grandma.

a used hairbrush

potato peeler from my mum

An orkney cheese which sat under the tree for two weeks before christmas

when i was 10 my mum wrapped up a barbie doll as a joke, after i unwrapped the legs i threw it flying only to knock off my grandads glasses, he was not amused!!

Half coloured colouring in book when I was 7

I received a rape alarm from my grandmother with the words "I hope you get some use out of it". A cheery Christmas gift if ever there was one!

A hand knitted beret with a bobble and gloves in lilac from my mother-in-law when i was 28. Worse still she had knitted every female in the family the same present in different colours. We all had to wear them Xmas Day - mine was eaten by the dogs on Boxing Day after I left it by their bed (accidentally).