Transcript of clip:

 

JIM: If a woman married no too weel, er, they would hae said, 'She'll hae tae graze where she's tethered'.

Nooadays she wouldnae, she would hae hanged him bi the rope an run away, but, er...A wee shed less polite than that, 'If she burns her erse, she can sit oan the blister'.

Or, er, a hizzy that wasnae ower guid lookin, but hed, eh, a bit o money wi her, 'She has nae beauty tae keep her aff her work, but she hes a guid purse tae her erse'.

A couple merrying late in life: 'They were yokin when they should be lousin'.

Er, fae Sam Cross here, A got the sayin, 'There's a slippery stane ootside ivry door - 'Dinnae bee too critical o other folks weans, because ye niver know what yin o yer ain might, micht dae'.