‘And so the end is nigh, and I face the final curtain!
I’ve interviewed a few, and one was a right ********!’
Here I can hardly believe it; my moment in the sun is over! To be honest
with you’se I’ll sorta be glad that all this fame stuff
is over. I mean my Chantelle’s head has been turned worrying that
I’m gonna run off with one of the wee groupies that have come
along.
I keep tellin her, ‘listen Chantelle they may be pretty and blonde
and intelligent; but why do I want any of that when I have you? I mean
I’d never turn over my Chantelle for one of them, who else can
go out of a night with a wife and a bodyguard all in one?
Still I’ve been worried about her, she’s gone off her food
and everything, she’s down till 25 stone. An she’s
actually changing outta her pyjamas of a morning, I mean she never used
till put clothes on till seven in the evening. She’s even let
her sessions on the tanning beds slip, I’m tellin ya it’s
been very worrying!
All in all it’s been an experience as the Americans say. So how
till end the run? I told the show’s producer that there was only
one way…TWINS!
Since I saw Samanda on the tele I’ve been havin sleepless nights.
And then this week there they are in front of me big as life! Now twins are miracles if you think bout it, I mean you have
one egg an then next thing it decides all on its own to make two instead
of one, BRILLIANT!
I love multiple deals whatever they are. Two bottles of cider for the
price of one, three bottles of wine for the price of two; ten pieces
of chicken for the price of five, I mean if they didn’t have deals
like that people like us would starve!
With Samanda you just know that there’s only one person split
intil two. I mean one starts talkin an the other one ends the sentence,
SPOOKY! They thought they were telepathic or something, I didn’t
want till burst their bubble but I knew right off what was goin on,
they’ve only got one brain split intil two!
Still, when that one brain is packaged the way it is with the two of
them who’s complaining? To be honest conversation wouldn’t
be the first thing that would jump intil my oul mind when I look at
them. And I wasn’t the only one...
I mean I finish
the interview and want till check something with the
show’s producer and oul Feargal
is nowhere till be found. He’s only off carrying the twins suitcases
out till their taxi for them, he didn’t do that for Nolan or Jackie
Fullerton I can tell ya!
My social worker has come up with the next step in my rehabilitation.
I done one of them personality tests – I’ve got a crackin
personality by the way - and we had a look at my abilities. I can talk
rubbish like the best of them; I have no qualifications and am a bit of
a lazy sod so it’s obvious ain’t it, local politics here
I come!
Nah think bout it, I’m made for it, so next time you see me I’m
gonna be in a second hand suit sittin up there at Stormount trying to
argue on your behalf. So next time you go to vote keep an eye out for
me, VOTE SCRUNTER. I’ll not do any work but then again you’ll
never notice any difference and at least I’m honest bout it.
So till we meet again, keep it real and remember you only get one go
at this oul life so HOAK IT! HAPPENIN!!!!!
DJ SCRUNTER