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20 February 2015
BBC Northern Ireland Learning - Citizenship - KS3/KS4

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Sectarianism
Transcript

Laughter lab

Video 4: Across the border

Uncle Andy:
Mervyn and I are promoting our beloved Belfast.

Dympna:
Beloved? Sure you hate half the people who live here.

Uncle Andy:
That is a lie. I do not hate half the people who live here. Just 42% of them.

Mervyn:
At the last census.

Uncle Andy:
Besides, if I was to go down south it wouldn't be long before I just disappeared.

Dympna:
Ah, please go.

Mervyn:
Disappear?

Uncle Andy:

Yes. Your hostile foreign state is just a huge Bermuda Triangle - for Protestants.

Billy:
What are you talking about?

Uncle Andy:
It is a well known fact that when the popish state was set up Protestants were 10% of the population. Now they are only 2%. Thousands of Protestants just disappeared into thin air. Where did they go?

Dympna:
Well for one thing, the Catholic population has increased relative to the Protestant one. Then there would be intermarriage and immigration.

Uncle Andy:
Most likely they are under the floor boards.

Dympna:
What?

Uncle Andy:
And if they are not under the floor boards, then the Protestants are fugitives hiding out in attics, like the Birdman of Alcatraz.

Billy:
I wish you were hiding in an attic.

Uncle Andy:
Thousands of Protestants hiding in attics, being kept alive by a secret network of Free Presbyterian resistance fighters who smuggle in Ulster fries and copies of the Newsletter.

Dympna:
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

Uncle Andy:
Well, can you think of any other explanation for the missing Protestants?

Mervyn:
Alien abduction.

Uncle Andy:
Please Mervyn - we are trying to have a serious political discussion here.

Laughter..........

Extract from "Give My Head Peace" (series 8: episode entitled 'Secondary Colours' 27/12/2002)



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