A man arrived home to find police cars and
ambulances crowded around his house and music blaring from
the CD player in the garage. He quickly made his way to
the front of the crowd to find out what had happened. When
he got there his heart sank. The song started to play again
and he knew exactly what had happened.
I wanted to believe,
Bodies swinging from trees,
Struggling to stand with your head in your hands
A Stoic last stand of a dying man
I wanted to believe as I
Watched your world crumble in your hands
I wanted to believe as you
Raised your glass to your last stand
And I wanted to believe
You would win
The war in your head
That I did not understand
And the Questions pour out.
David put on one of his favourite CDs, set it to repeat
and began to selfdestruct. He picked up his dad’s
SledgeHammer and started to smash up the floor, the walls
and all of the cabinets and worktops except one. This single
bench had three things sitting on it, a small mirror with
white powder on it, a photo of a woman in a gold frame and
his next task for the evening. He changed the track in the
player and began to work in silence and solitude in the
garage. When he had finished the work he was doing, the
coke on the mirror, he slowly brought his freshly made sawn-off
to his face and placed it in his mouth and as he pulled
the trigger a tear rolled down his cheek, onto the picture.
David climbed out of the small window in the boy’s
toilets, head and muscles pounding with adrenline from his
first fight in school. He had always backed away from possible
confrontations but today he walked straight into it with
his fists held high. Today he would not be made a fool of.
After seeing Steve he took his first hit of coke, and it
gave him such a buzz that he sat in a locked cubicle for
an hour just looking around him in awe at how wonderful
the bathroom was. When he finally woke from the dream he
walked straight into a bunch of jocks standing in the hall.
They took one look at him and knew what the story was. They
started to push him about, trying to get him to puke, but
it just wasn’t happening today. In mid spin David
gave a right hook to one of the lads and bust his nose.
Then he rammed his knee into the crotch of the guy in front
of him. The rest took a step away from him in shock. In
one swift movement David had taken out two of their group,
which none of them had expected. David turned to them and
started walking towards them with a determined look in his
eye. He wasn’t going to take any more crap today.
After that he just walked straight out of the school without
“Steve did you get what I asked for?”
“Yea Dave of course I did but what do you want it
for? I didn’t think you needed that sort of thing?”
“Look you don’t need to worry about that! Just
give me it. I’ll be fine”
“Okay. But I still don’t think you need it.
Just be careful okay?”
“Just drop it okay. It’s got nothing to do
As David walked through the halls before his first class
everything was silent. Nobody talked, not a single locker
creaked as it was opened or closed. Everyone stood in awe,
watching as he walked to his first class, in torn jeans
a dirty shirt and tatty hair. Then came the first shouts
as always, from the same people as always, “Freak!”
“Weirdo” and “Why don’t you go slit
your wrists you Gothic nutcase” or “Go eat a
goat.” They had known him since their first day in
school together. It all started then and it still hadn’t
ended after six years. In fact it had got progressively
worse. And as normal David said nothing and just kept walking.
He kept everything he had ever felt locked up inside the
padded cell of his brain, where it rebounded off the walls
in streams of taunts and laughs. Everyday something new
getting thrown in the room with everything else until it
becomes too full to contain, and everything gets released
in mayhem. But Steve can help that, Steve can make it go
away. Everything would get better when he saw Steve.
David sneaked slowly out of the hospital, hiding himself
and his feeling. As he had always done, in school, at home
when his dad was there. He had only ever been able to share
his feelings at two times, when he was with his mother and
when he was sitting in front of a blank piece of paper.
In his father’s view any man who would show his emotions
to the public was a faggot and not a real man. School was
the same. You had to be what everyone else wanted to be
or you would never make it through mentally. The people
who didn’t belong in the eyes of the “popular”
were hounded constantly through each and every day of their
school lives until they were either forced out, or made
it to the end and left with honours. Those who didn’t
conform dreamt, no hoped that their adult life would be
different, that people would be more understanding. It was
the only way that they survived; it was the only way David
was surviving the torture he was faced with from when he
walked up the school steps every morning until he down them
again in the afternoon.
He could no longer take the endless tears of lonely men
and women who had been left suddenly after years of being
a part of something unique and supposedly endless. He couldn’t
put up with the pureness that the hospital stood for. Everything
was white and bleached, hiding the blood that had been spilt
and the deaths that had happened. He didn’t belong
anywhere any more but especially not somewhere that was
He made his way home, ambling through the streets with no
real desire to go anywhere but knowing in the end he would
have to make it home. He found the house empty, so he went
into the garage to stay.
David woke up to a nurse’s voice, telling him that
he had visitors. David jerked up to see who had come to
see him, but no one had. This evil dream had brought the
answer to the biggest fear that he had. He had no friends.
Not one person he knew cared enough to see how he was. Nobody
had even sent in a card. For the first time he understood
how alone he really was.
Last night, before he had finally fallen asleep he had seen
his father pass his room on numerous occasions as he waited
for news on his wife, but not once had come in to see him
or even looked upon him. Then there were the screams and
sobs of a man who had aged dramatically, lost everything.
He only saw one person after those screams and he could
tell in those eyes, as they glanced into his room that he
no longer had a father.
The car hit the curb as it rounded the corner, and its
wheels lost their grip in the rain, sending it into the
air spinning across the road. It rebounded off a van travelling
in the opposite direction sending to higher before it came
crashing through the trees into a roadside field. Within
an hour the emergency services dragged David and his mother
from the wreck and took them to the hospital. David’s
mother fell into coma on the way.
Happy Mother’s Day
I wish you all the best on this Your Special Day.
The bond we have is stronger than the cement in the building
we live in, or that of blood brothers. We shall always be
together, one way or another. I will follow your lead until
you leave me, and your example until I die after you. You
Truly are The Worlds Greatest Mother.
I Love You
Read the card amongst the flowers, teddies and chocolates
that covered the woman’s bed.