If You Ask Me
with Fionola Meredith

Did we all just fall into a washing powder advert, or what? The sun has been splitting the trees, flowers are blooming in the dew-drenched meadows, bluebirds are kissing in the skies above Stormont and our politicians love each other very much. The sap is rising and the sweet scent of devolution is in the air. This isn’t normal. Where’s all the rain and the misery? It’s as if a beneficent hand – maybe it’s that famous old hand of history – has reached down and wiped away all our messy intractable problems. Or at least given them a good spraying with air freshener. In the bad old days, our elected representatives used to shuffle forwards, looking shifty and surly.

Now they still look shifty, but they’ve swapped the surliness for dazzling smiles as they skip twinkle-toed down the steps of Stormont, all bright and hopeful in their spanking-new ministerial teams. Ian and Gerry, Ian and Bertie – will the love never stop? This is what we wanted: local politicians in charge of local matters. That’s the best, the most democratic way, isn’t it? So why the lurking sense of unease?

The thing is, we were so dazzled by the big constitutional clinch between Paisley and Adams that we forgot about the other odd and bothersome aspects of a devolved administration. Like having the DUP’s Edwin Poots as Culture, Arts and Leisure Minister, with his young assistant Barry McElduff of Sinn Fein, as chair of the Assembly`s Culture, Arts and Leisure Committee. I mean, they’re hardly Gilbert and George, are they?

The DUP’s attitude to arts and culture to date is not encouraging. You wouldn’t call them culture-vultures. They have traditionally preferred a role on the sidelines, keeping an eye out for any “tides of filth” that might be slopping about in Northern Ireland’s art galleries, theatres and cinemas. Rather worryingly, Mr Poots himself has admitted that he does “not have a strong cultural background”.

Although his colleague Ian Junior is a collector of 19th century political caricatures, and Iris Robinson boasts “a flair for interior design”, Edwin does not record any interests at all on the DUP’s website.

But we do know he likes Celine Dion, so that must count for something. There are fears for the future of line dancing however. We all know what that can lead to.

Let’s face it, you won’t find either Ed or Bazzer suddenly discovering a sophisticated taste for the theatre of the absurd. They get enough of that at Stormont. No, Poots will be turning a warm and approving gaze on Ulster Scots, and McElduff will be snapping at his heels to try and make sure the Irish Language Act for Northern Ireland gets pushed through. There’s yer culture for you, you can take it or leave it. Orange and green and no shade in between.

Still, here’s a wee tip for the newly arrived arts and culture supremo, as we must now call him. In times of doubt and confusion, Ed, you can always turn to the great writers. The German thinker Goethe says, “One ought every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words”.

Well, you’ve got to start somewhere.

If You Ask Me Archive