If You Ask Me
by Lindsay Allen

A shotgun wedding isn’t the best start to a long and happy marriage. And whatever way you look at it, the Good Friday Agreement was the political equivalent of a shotgun wedding! Most Unionists felt that a gun was put to their head.

Some were dragged to the altar screaming and kicking and refusing to sign, others turned up, suspicious, dour faced and wearily resigned to doing whatever it took to end the thirty years of violence.

As far as the marriage service itself was concerned, there was some controversy over the vows. “Forsaking all others and clinging only to Democracy for as long as you both shall live” was never really sorted out to everybody’s satisfaction. And the line, “If anyone can show just cause why these two should not lawfully be joined together, let him speak now or else hereafter for ever hold his peace”, was wisely omitted all together!

However, after much family wrangling in closed rooms, the disgruntled couple signed the register and the wedding party left in separate limousines for a very brief honeymoon.

They moved into the Trimble family’s ancestral home, a fabulous house in its own grounds near Dundonald, but despite the trappings, this marriage was in trouble from the start. There was constant bickering and name calling and neighbours could hear them rowing into the early hours, and in one occasion the police were called. Marriage counsellors were flown in from London and America but it was clear that David and Gerry just couldn’t live under the same roof.

Eventually, they decided on a trial separation, citing “Incompatibility”, and went home to their mothers. For years the big house has lay empty, although all the staff were kept on, a move which prompted much unfavourable gossip among the locals. They complained of the excesses of the rich while the poor are being increasingly hard pressed by charges for rates and water;-and maybe, (if they can work out how to do it) air!

The stress of it all, proved to be too much for Davy, who resigned as head of the family and just this week has signed himself into sheltered accommodation for retired gentlefolk in London as Lord Trimble of Lisnagarvey.

But the troubles aren’t over yet. Talk in the village is that Davy’s successor, Reg, has got himself mixed up with a what some of the family regard bad crowd. Sylvia, the only family member holding down a real job is supporting Reg as best she can but she is obviously concerned that Reg’s new friend’s family might become an embarrassment.

Meanwhile there is yet another attempt to pull this eight year old, on again/off again marriage back together. But now that Davy’s increasingly distant cousin, Ian has taken over as Chief of the clan, hopes of a reconciliation with Gerry seem less likely than ever. Ian has made it clear that he does not see this as a marriage made in Heaven, and he and Gerry are unlikely to live happy every after! So it’s all rather sad really.

At my own wedding I remember being slapped on the back by an avuncular male guest and told, “Cheer up son, the first ten years are the worst!”

Let’s hope he’s right!

If You Ask Me Archive