Other biographies:
Ma, Da, Cal, Dympna, Billy, Uncle Andy, Mervyn,
Red Hand Luke

Origins
Billy can't remember his parents. As far as he can recall he always lived with his Uncle Andy. From the age of six Billy tried to look after Uncle Andy as best he could. But as anyone who has tried to tell you, raising a dyed-in-the-wool, bigoted Orange Elvis fan isn't easy. As a poor working-class Protestant kid who came through the worst years of the Troubles, Billy knew what he had to do; join the police and earn a packet!

Fashion
Whilst working, Billy wears his smart police uniform set off by chicken tikka and burger relish stains, which were all acquired in the course of duty. The smell from these stains mingles with the odour of salt and vinegar to create an aroma that is unique to the RUC. For a long time Billy also adopted the classic RUC casual look - rugby shirt, jeans/chinos and slip-on moccasins. Dympna changed all that. In came V-necks and cargoes but her efforts to make Billy cool have come to nowt as it is impossible to have street cred - except in the gay fraternity - whilst sporting a 'tache. It is an incontrovertible fact that the majority of the RUC sport a moustache and the ratio is even higher for policewomen. Unfortunately the public thinks it gives the police the look of the Village People, circa 1978. The RUC - 93 per cent Protestant, 92 per cent moustached.

Hobbies
Policing contentious marches and collecting overtime, sitting in the back of his Land Rover eating pasties and copping off with Da's daughters.

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