By Alex Fox from Hackleton
call it an impossible. Ever seen a dog do a backflip? Replace the
dog wiv a skateboard and imagine it backflipping round yer kicker
foot. Thats an impossible.
was sittin on the library steps and all the cans were empty,
and Philly took a drag, blew the greasy hair up off his nose and
said, Youll never be able to impossible, Pimsie. Its
like a phantom flip. Its like tryin to walk on your
hands when you cant handstand.
I said, Yeah, I can. Nuff of yer bitchy nonsense.
passed me over the bong. Hed got a new pair of Vans, and his
hair was buzzed like hed been near school that week. Youll
have to pussy drag it. Youll never get your front foot off
without the board smacking you in the knees, mate.
I said, Pussy, who? Youve just gotta jump real high.
Youre gonna rub it in, right?
hawked through his nose and grabbed the joint back. Nope
youll never do it. Norra front foot impossible, norra double
hardflip. Youre too gay to try.
an Daf was okay. Daf was right posho. If you could flip and
scoop and ollie it didnt matter where you come from, where
you slept. I pushed me tongue against me falsie, flicked it out
tween me lips, and looked down the kerb. The dentist says he wont
touch me teeth no more till I stops skating. I got front teeth built
of filling now and theyre grey as stones.
was grindin out the beat of Battery and I went up the top
of them steps and I just let it fly, with all the extra-strong inside
it was impossible, like I cant even do it on a three inch
curb. Its gay, my back foot just goes nuts and I just hit
a nosegrind and stops dead. An then me head went black.
thing I know, Im in the friggin trolley. In the friggin
Morrisons trolley with me knees up me ears and me arse in
the flower pack, and all the decks was stuck in round me. And Daf
and Philly they was pushin me, racin me like they was
up the Rockingham friggin racetrack. The sky was up there
going round and round and in me head I was talking to meself and
saying that I shouldntve flipped it, I shouldve
scooped it round me foot.
they pushed me down the stairs of the walkway, bumping down the
curbs, and all that Morrisons full-flavour came bubbling back
up again and spewed out me mouth, in me ears, down me back, and
it was hot and then it was cold. An where the wired
skinned me zits off, it stung like sodding acid. And Daf he was
a right tit, and he was friggin scared.
where we gonna take him?
Daf and push. We cant take him up the hospital or the plice.
Me dadll leather me. Well have to drop him somewhere.
brain went on a fakie flip, and next I know we was in this dark
road wiv trees all over, and big houses liken the old black-n-white
horror films. And this tall black iron gate went creaking open and
me guts churned up. Daf an Philly they just left me there.
They pushed me up the porch, and rung the bell and shoved off, and
the bell went clang like the horrors, too. They just went and left
me there in the dark.
big woman in a skirt, she come to the door and she looked at me
like I was dogshit on her shoe.
she screeched, in this scared whiny friggin voice. Norman,
theres a boy here in a shopping trolley. I think hes
saw Norman. Me head went out again.
bin here before, see. There was this posho kid, David, what hung
round the ramp years ago. He was a friggin rubbish skater,
couldnt get the basics, couldnt ollie, couldnt
clear his deck. An I come home with him one day to this house
here, and we went up all these stairs to his bedroom and youd
never believe what hed got on his walls. Hed got all
his old snapped decks stuck up on his walls like pictures or summat,
with all their trucks and wheels still on em like. And I said
to him, look here
dont you use them poxy trucks? An
he said no, Pimsie. So I screwed em off and sold them down
the boot. And I bought lager. His mum, she give us sausages for
tea, with broccoli. And he et up all his broccoli. What a tit.
was tryin to murder me. I waked up and found this clingfilm
on me face. Shed wrapped this stuff round me mouth, round
me nose and I couldnt breathe. I could feel the puke in me
throat, and the chunks stuck up me nose and the air was whistling,
friggin whistling trying to get in and I couldnt breathe,
couldnt breathe and then she stuck her finger down in its
yellow kitchen gloves, and popped the clingfilm and the air come
her mouth come down on mine like she was gonna snog me, like.
see her nose with a bit of crusty snot in it and the orange powder
on her eyebrows and this mole under her chin with a black hair sticking
out, and I thought she was gonna snog me and put her sticky sweet
breath into me and
I just had to puke.
when I saw the bucket. It was a blue plastic bucket with a yellow
handle, a kids bucket with old dried sand and bitsa shells
in the bottom. That bucket was, like, Ive bin on holiday
Ive bin to places where theres sand and a seaside wiv
me mum and me dad. An I puked up me chunks into that sand
and them bitsa shell.
this little kid, this cute kid, in a Barbie nightie and no knickers,
she comes running down the stairs shouting, Mummy, mummee,
whats happening? Whos that boy? Poo
awful. No, dont give him my bucket, my holiday bucket. Thats
my blue bucket. Hes being sick in my bucket! Mummy stop him.
me friggin head was splitting open, and she was screeching
at me and screaming like shed never stop, and I wanted to
give her back her poxy bucket but it was full of vomit and chunks
and bits of blood
so I held on to it and the sharp edges
were cutting into me fingers and all me insides were rising into
me mouth and spewing into the bucket, till this bubble of thick
stuff come up and out and filled up me throat so I couldnt
breathe and I shook me head and shook it and tried to cough it out
but the bubble was filling me and me head went black and dark and
thick and everything rolled round and round and down till it stopped
and I wasnt there any more.
round in the hospital and this nurse, she touched me like shed
catch sumfink nasty off of me; she poked me like it was wiv a stick.
Then she rolled me over and saw the state of me back an me
arse and her eyes turned kinda quiet, like.
pigs come. They said, Whats your name, and where do
you come from, son? Worra laugh. It was like blind friggin
date on the telly.
tell em where me dad was. I can fakie blind wiv the best.
time I were in the hospital I were only eight. Id tried a
kickflip off the six-foot pipe up Corby and took a slam. Both the
bones in me arm snapped, like, and I ran off up the hospital holding
the top of me arm, wiv me hand hanging down and moving on its own
like a soddin spider. They said to me did you come here on
your own and didnt it hurt? And I said yeah.
time I were in the hospital two weeks till they stopped the bleeding
in me guts. Then they put me in a home. It was like a holiday being
wivout me dad. I went to a coupla fosters, but they werent
near the ramp. Got me teeth fixed, though. It was better in the
home. A blokes gotta have his mates.
four years on Im in the army. They fink Im ace. I got
strong leg muscles for marching wiv, and Im not scared of
heights, and I dont mind getting hurt. Its the first
time Ive bin off overseas, going to Iraq.
not much cop for skating but theres loadsa sand.