Shows

Basically, you want to know how to get to see it. Keep with me, I have a plan....

What you don't want to know - as you can't get to it - is how good it is. You don't want to know that it's one of the funniest shows there is; that it's an incredibly clever, witty and silly adaptation of Hitchcock's version of Buchan's book; and that it has a hard-working cast of just four.

I could tell you just how much the packed audience were laughing, but that would be cruel. I could tell you about all the different visual gags, but what's the point? I could go on at length about how much I enjoyed it all, but you'd just get cross: so I won't.

What I will do, though, as a public service, is to help you get to see it. This does involve a certain amount of deception - but that seems to be rather in the spirit of things. What I'm going to do is to put a fake review at the end of this. My suggestion is that you find someone with a ticket, and that you sit them down in front of the computer, having first carefully scrolled down so only the fake review shows up on the screen. Trust me, Richard Hannay himself would approve. It's bound to work.

Review of The 39 Steps at The Royal Theatre: A boring and tedious production. Not worth the money. Very dull indeed. If you've already booked I suggest you return your ticket, or give it away. Really not worth bothering with. Honest.