British children 'babied' by intrusive parents, says MP
- 2 March 2013
- From the section UK
UK children are being "babied" by overly-intrusive parents, leaving them unable to cope as they grow up, an adviser to David Cameron has said.
Conservative MP Claire Perry criticised parents for filling children's lives with too many organised activities, in an interview with the Times.
Parents were also failing to lay down the law and set "limits", she said.
Campaigners said politicians should stop "telling us how to be better parents" and focus on childcare policy.
Mrs Perry, who is the PM's adviser on the commercialisation and sexualisation of childhood, said over-parenting was stifling children's ability to fend for themselves.
"We've created a treadmill, it's usually the mother that is orchestrating all of that and doing all the driving," she said.
"We worship this feminine motherhood thing and I don't think our children have benefited actually. They're babied a lot."
The mother of three, who took a seven-year break from her career in management consulting to look after her young children, explained mothers often became part of the problem because their own work-life balance struggled when starting a family.
"A lot of it is women who, because it is difficult to get on, subjugate their own ambition into their kids," she said.
"That makes it harder when they get to university and realise they haven't got a mother to help them with their homework, watching their every move. We've all done it."
She added she once tended to "hover" over her children: "Now, I just can't, so I don't, and I think they're probably better off as a result."
At the same time, Mrs Perry warned children were not being taught about the real dangers in life, especially the internet - which parents did not fully understand.
She said: "Good parenting isn't just about making sure they come top in maths, but all the difficult stuff too. If they don't learn the limits from us, who will tell them?"
Mrs Perry said most parents were too busy or ignorant to realise what their children were doing online.
"They are living in a digital oblivion," she said.
Social commentator Frank Furedi, emeritus professor of sociology at the University of Kent said parents were under "enormous pressure" from schools and society to mould their children and oversee their achievements.
"They find it difficult to let go and this cultivates a sense of dependency."
He added universities often had to adjust for incoming students "lacking a sense of maturity" with first year lecturers forced "to act like teachers, helping pupils along".
But Mrs Perry's views came under fire from Mumsnet founder Justine Roberts, who insisted parents were "doing their best" and were "knackered most of the time".
She told BBC News: "Mothers are, sadly, used to copping a lot of blame - but being charged with being over-protective, cupcake-baking helicopter parents at the same time as being feckless, couch potatoes who let their children have unfettered internet access is a bit rich.
"Of course there are some 'tiger mum' types who are micromanaging packed improvement schedules for their children... but on Mumsnet certainly, they are far outweighed by others who share Clare Perry's view that unstructured time is really important."
Ms Roberts added: "Politicians could more usefully perhaps focus on improving local schools, job prospects, childcare options and flexible work solutions than telling us how to be better parents."
Labour MP Frank Field, who advised the coalition government on children's foundation years, also criticised Mrs Perry's comments as "amazing".
He highlighted the "desperate" situation for many disadvantaged children in the UK, urging the MP "not to attack those parents investing heavily in their children, but to find out why the vast majority of young people want to be good parents and yet a very, very, very substantial group of them fail to do so".
However Anna May Mangan, mother of four and author of Getting into Medical School: The Pushy Mother's Guide, told the BBC that being a hands-on parent was important because "our schools don't teach children to be competitive".
She said she had adopted a "praying mantis" style to help her children get into university, adding: "You can't choose for your child, but you can certainly support them when they know what they want to do."
Mrs Perry became the prime minister's adviser on the commercialisation and sexualisation of childhood in December 2012.
Proposals put forward by the Devizes MP include age ratings for sexually provocative music videos, restrictions on access to so-called "lads' mags", labelling on airbrushed photos in magazines and internet safety classes in schools.