News tweets: Dingoes, Dimon and David Cameron
For the week of 11 June here is the news, condensed into 10 topical tweets - some more serious than others.
1. In 2004 Lance Armstrong sneezed while sitting at a table next to me and I was immediately able to rip a Houston phonebook in half.
Writer Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) on the latest doping allegations against cycling great Lance Armstrong.
2. BREAKING: Justice Department is done with John Edwards. God still reviewing His options.
National Journal political correspondent Major Garett (@MajoratNJ) now that the US government has decided not to pursue campaign finance charges against former presidential candidate (and noted adulterer) John Edwards.
3. The people sitting behind the Senators are the staffers, also known as future lobbyists for JP Morgan.
CNBC blogger John Carney (@carney) has a theory as to why the Congressional questioning of JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon was so cozy.
4. #TDSBreakingNews Nobel Prize cash to be cut 20%. So the outfit that honored Paul Krugman is embracing austerity?
The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) loves a little Nobel irony.
5. Trying to convince my boss that a dingo ate my quarterly report.
Just Bill (@WilliamAder) recognises that the dingo excuse is back in vogue after an Australian court finally certified that the 1980 death of Azaria Chamberlain was, in fact, caused by a dingo.
6. Apparently the new MacBook Pros are based around a new Cash Processing Unit that burns your money twice as fast as PCs.
Editor of PC Gamer magazine Logan Decker (@logandecker) after Apple announced a new line of products.
7. Burger King introduces the bacon sundae. Not to be outdone, McDonald's introduces shooting you in the face.
Artist and writer Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) predicts some friendly competition for unhealthy products between the US fast food giants.
8. Judges of the Pacquiao Bradley fight also scored World War 2 a split decision for the Germans. #RIPBoxing
Musician PAZ (@pazpaz) responds to a controversial call by boxing judges, who declared Timothy Bradley the winner of a fight that seemed to be dominated by Manny Pacquiano. The World Boxing Organisation is reviewing the verdict.
9. I feel sorry for David Cameron. He's basically David Cameron, trapped in David Cameron's body.
Twitter humourist Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) after watching David Cameron testify as part of the Leveson Inquiry
10. Obama's new policy on illegal immigration - dreaming the Dream... of votes in swing states