Goldman Sachs resignation: Muppet letter is everyone's fantasy

 
Kermit in the city Goldman Sachs staff allegedly referred to clients as muppets

Many of us have imagined writing a letter of resignation that shakes our bosses to the core, but few have actually done it, and rarely even then has the letter been read by millions. Greg Smith, who quit Goldman Sachs this week, has realised our fantasy.

The lyrics are as heartbreaking as they are prescient: "I look into these eyes, and I don't recognise, the one I see inside. It's time for me to decide - am I a man or am I a muppet?"

Walter sang these words in the recent Muppet Movie but equally he could have been singing the innermost thoughts of Greg Smith, the Goldman Sachs banker, who walked out in style this week with a resignation letter printed in the New York Times.

Among other things, he was upset with the way managers routinely referred to their clients as muppets. Greg obviously felt more of an affinity with the lovable puppets than the cruel investment bankers who had their hands inserted up their clients'... Aaanyway...

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Many of us have fantasised about our own valedictory salute - for some, it is of the two-fingered variety”

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I don't know whether Greg Smith concluded he was "a muppet of a man" or a very manly muppet, but the manner of his departure was cinematic in itself.

Here's a test - read Greg's letter, close your eyes and imagine Tom Hanks uttering those words while the American national anthem plays in the background amid a montage of families of various races playing baseball in the park.

Don't the hairs rise on the back of your neck? In the next scene picture hundreds of high-flying investment bankers suddenly realising after 12 years of bonuses and sharp practice that now it's wrong. Rising up from their desks shouting: "Say it now and say it loud - I'm a muppet and I'm proud!"

Many of us have fantasised about our own valedictory salute. It takes different forms. For some, the salute is of the two-fingered variety.

For others, while we weren't planning to write a column in the New York Times, at the very least we imagine we would compose poignant, funny and thought-provoking email to GLOBAL.ALL.PERSONNEL.

BBC Newsnight:Those Quit My Job Goldman Sachs Blues

We think about a particularly sexy colleague sitting tearfully at their PC, our voice playing in their head as they read. Then they grab a coat and head resolutely to the airport, where they are too late - our plane has taken off.

Elsewhere in the office, the chief executive reads it, gazing thoughtfully into the middle distance, wondering if the company has just made a BIG MISTAKE.

Meanwhile we're painting an old fishing boat on a Mexican beach with Morgan Freeman approaching in the distance. The villagers are grateful about something we've done for their water supply. I'm not sure what - I don't know anything about irrigation.

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After a while, like everyone who leaves a big company, they're forgotten”

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At a - as yet unspecified - later stage in the fantasy, a small plane shudders to a halt on the dusty landing strip. The executive - having shed his suit and dressed in blue shirt and chinos - comes out to offer a new deal. "Maybe I can learn something from you," he says. It turns out he always wanted to play the flute.

Even taking Morgan Freeman out of it, real life is rarely like that. The main reason being, if you've ever been in a company where someone has sent a stinker of an email on their departure day, you will see an entire office-full of people hunkering down and cringing at their desks.

"Braver man than me," they'll whisper. No matter how accurate the zingers of the dearly departed are, a goodly proportion of those who remain will shrug and possibly even feel a little defensive. Then after a while, like everyone who leaves a big company, they're forgotten.

Once the hoopla dies down, Goldman Sachs will move on and Greg Smith - no doubt after clinching a deal to write a book that will Blow The Lid Off What We Knew Anyway - will too.

As for me, I work for myself. So even contemplating an acerbic parting shot at my organisation would be an act of profound self-loathing.

 

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  • rate this
    +4

    Comment number 251.

    Its a true moral dilemma, is profit theft and greed, or is it legitimate reward for taking a risk based on your hard-won expertise? Who decides anyway? But it isnt just the banking system that is rotten to the core, I remember saying when the NHS introduced bonuses for managers that I was outta there ... trouble is, you invest a lot in your career and training, its hard to throw a career away.

  • rate this
    +7

    Comment number 249.

    Work has become this to so many people-just a place we have to go to pay bills. Most staff stress does not come from work but constant change as the new idea of the month is tried by another poor director trying to make a name for himself before being sacked. This causes constant stress frustration and retention issues We are mere ants in a corporate colony-expendable. It's all about the money....

  • rate this
    +48

    Comment number 171.

    There are many of us of integrity who have left UK banks in the last 5 years due to similar feelings, Mostly at lower levels where no headlines would be made. When I joined the industry in 1987 it was a different case - less profitable - but it was generally honest with customers and staff, unlike now. I'm financially much worse off by leaving - but so much richer in mind and spirit.

  • rate this
    +22

    Comment number 162.

    10 years with a UK "mutual" (now there's another story!) building society taught me that there is no honesty in the Financial Services industry. The sole objective is to make money out of other people's money. Look how the insurance industry has changed from providing peace of mind for it's clients to being a mere profit vehicle for it's directors and shareholders. Come the revolution...!

  • rate this
    -1

    Comment number 156.

    Many people would just love to tell their employers were to stick their jobs and what they really think of them. It must be nice being in such a financial position as Mr Sachs to be able to do it and not be left potless by not having a job. These people just don't live in the real world.

 

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