Why can't I sing?

Will Gompertz Image copyright bbc
Image caption Can technology pull my voice into shape?

I have never been able to sing in tune - not even a bit. I have tried and failed and now I fail to try.

When called upon to do so (weddings, football matches etc) I take safety in numbers and mouth or murmur the words.

Sometimes my emotions get the better of me and I overreach myself and sing out. Within seconds people turn to me, their faces scowling, their eyes saying "I think he doth project too much".

So when the Culture Show asked me to find out why I couldn't sing, I grabbed the chance. Maybe there was a reason for my ineptitude; maybe there was a quick fix.

You can watch the results on the iPlayer here.