Paper Monitor: I've got problems

  • 11 June 2013

Dear Deidre

Sometimes Paper Monitor struggles with timekeeping issues. It's so sad when a review of the papers isn't finished until after 5pm.

Paper Monitor just sometimes gets caught up in other things. Like reading the problem pages. Paper Monitor knows it's not real news, like Wotsits aren't a real meal, but it's so hard to stop.

And it's hard not admire the way the tabloid agony aunts process the problems they are sent.

Coleen in the Daily Mirror sensitively advises a woman who worries her ex only wants to get back with her in order to take his revenge for her dumping of him in the first place. Coleen notes it's a rather elaborate way to get back at someone.

One would imagine it might be hard to respond seriously to a letter headlined "I'M SO HORNY" but Deidre in the Sun can. The poor correspondent, who is heavily pregnant, wonders why her boyfriend won't go near her. Deidre suggests some "non-threatening but very sensual massage".

Would that also help with poor timekeeping? And, also, what might constitute "threatening" massage?

Also, on an unrelated note, is there anything one can take to tackle the problem of talking about oneself in the third person?

Yours sincerely

Paper Monitor

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