"Hi, I'm Disability Bitch. I'm disabled and I love it. Everyone should be disabled. Everyone should be like me.
"I own an extensive collection of colour-coordinated wigs and an even more extensive collection of colour-coordinated mobility aids, all of which complement my natural beauty. Mostly I use a crutch, but when I want to slip into a pair of high heels - which makes it almost impossible for someone with my lack of balance to even think about walking - I have a wheelchair to match. Of course, I'd prefer to be carried around on a sedan chair. Preferably by semi-naked men. But even I can't have everything, more's the pity.
"I love gossip, especially gossip about disabled people. Barely a day goes by when I don't find myself scanning the tabloids for news of Heather Mills. And this summer, I'll no doubt be flicking through the papers for any juicy titbits about the blind and albino housemates in Big Brother.
"I eat doughnuts and I hate exercise. Quite frankly, I don't see why disabled people should have to do exercise in the first place.
Want more Bitchiness?
• Disability Bitch will be appearing on the Britain's Missing Top Model site throughout the TV series, conducting video interviews with each evicted model in her own unique, no-nonsense style. You can watch all of them on our Videos page.
• And as if that's not enough, you can download DB to your PC in the form of a desktop buddy, who will update you on what's happening in the series, provide some fascinating disability facts, and tell you when you're not paying her enough attention!