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• 15 August 2006

Helena's Diary: Monday

Our saved Maria continues her online diary.

Monday 14th August – Our day off

I spoke to Laura today for the first time since she left the house. She seems surprisingly fine, she says she's done a few interviews and has seen her work colleagues and is having a few days rest, which I think is a great idea. She wants me to keep her posted and show her support - again the gracious Laura that I love.

I had a hard night's sleep, whereas Saturday night I was exhausted and fell into a deep sleep straight away. Last night was different. So many dreams that I can't even remember, but I woke feeling so apprehensive and about what exactly, I don't know.

There's a lot to fit into this week and very little rehearsal time, which is a test for us all. It's weird to have a day off when you know there's so much to do. I felt guilty today going out for dinner or looking around the shops. I think I'm eager to get stuck in.

Last night was lovely. My boyfriend found a lovely French restaurant where there were only about eight other people eating. It was really quiet and made great alone time. It was good to hear his thoughts on Saturday night.

I nearly gave my father a heart attack, the girls, my sister and friends were beside themselves with tears. My mum apparently was just silent and steadfast, which I didn't expect - I don't know how she held it together. Even my man was crying - how crazy that this process is affecting people so deeply. Why am I putting them through this? Everyone's family and friends that were there on Saturday must have felt physically sick, exhilarated, silent, happy - it's mad!

And they have to go through it all over again this week.

I came back to the house today at about 5pm and I was the only one there which was weird. I really miss the girls when they're not around. You get used to everyone's routines and welcomes but it was a good opportunity to use the space and go over my new song - I love it.

We rehearsed it on Sunday after Laura's departure and by the end of singing it I was jumping up and down. It's exhilarating and that's all I shall say for now so as not to spoil the surprise.

The public are going to love the show - everyone sounds fab, it's very exciting.

The best thing that could have happened to me last week was to get through Saturday and I know there was a whole new song awaiting me at the end of it. That dream came true. A whole new week, scary but fabulous! I can't believe it's Monday night and I'm still in the house and in this competition. I'm so grateful - WOW!

Click here for Sunday's entry.

Read Helena's Diary all week on the Maria website.