Helena's Diary: Sunday
Each week we will be featuring the thoughts of one Maria.
Last Saturday Helena was forced to fight for her place in the Maria House by competing in the sing-off against Laura. Here she shares her thoughts and experiences in our exclusive web diary.
Sunday 13th August – the morning after
"Oh Laura, you came and you gave without taking!"
The worst thing about last week was knowing that someone had to leave on Saturday, even worse than that, that it could be me and to top it all, that I'd be up against someone I truly loved - Laura. It was the worse possible combination and fate, for some reason, wanted me to experience it.
She is a truly genuine individual and for me who has worked in a profession where so many are not - it's a blessing and an honour to meet someone like Laura.
Not one tear did she shed until Sunday morning when we said goodbye. What an embrace we had and the tears that flowed between us.
Laura, Belinda, Meliz and I all share a bedroom and this helped us all focus on the real and the personal, on life beyond the time in the house - how fantastic that we created those moments for ourselves!
I truly laughed and cried and feel Belinda, Meliz and I will continue to converse on such a human level and now Simona has joined the 'badger set' [Belinda's nickname for the girls] I am thankful for her because she is also an inspiration and truly passionate. No one can replace Laura and I will think about her daily.
BEING SAVED
What an honour that Andrew saved me and what a tough decision for him looking back. I remember so little about the experience. It was like being in a dream. He was my light at the end of the tunnel. I don't remember the crowd, the cameras, the other judges or my fellow Marias. I just remember holding tight to Laura's hand and waiting for what seemed like an eternity.
I was so sure it would be Laura that he would save and I think I must have subconsciously been preparing myself for it, I don't know how I held it together and when the decision was cast - all I knew was that it meant Laura had to leave me.
I forgot the happiness that I should have felt at being saved - from then on my time was for Laura. My evening was donated to her and my performances from now on will be driven party by her and her inspiration to me.
The support I have had from family and friends is astounding and tears are coming to my eyes even now. Never did I dream that such care and love was possible - I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for their words and love and am truly honoured to be here amongst these talented girls who will forever have a place in my soul.
To Laura - don't Bb (be flat) don't B# (be sharp) just B{ (be natural) - this is a quote that a music teacher once put in a card to me while at secondary school. I've always remembered it and passed it on to others and I keep it at the forefront of my mind always.
MY SONG
What a week I've had with Crazy Chick! It was never going to be a classic. But, I had to find a way of performing it that felt more natural to me. At first I was dancing around the stage with a hand-held mic but something wasn't quite right and I don't think anyone could put their finger on what. So we tried a different approach - to slow the tempo and have a much more naturalistic feel.
As a professional I want to rise to the challenge, giving up is something I've never done and never will - it's not part of my genetic make up. I'm more inclined to put it aside and wait for inspiration or life experiences just stick in and see if I can find something different in what I'm doing.
Unfortunately, there wasn't the time to wait for this.
I gave 110% and I went out there and did it and most importantly got through it vocally... I completely understood why it was unpopular, there were better performances that night - particularly Meliz - what a voice. When she sang I saw sound running through her from the top of her head right to her fingertips - fabulous.
It's okay to know that your performance was not liked as much as others but it gets me down and makes me feel disappointed in myself to think I am disliked as a person. I don't know what the public think of me, they may have no opinion, as I haven't been featured as much as others. But I would love them to see the þHelly' that my friends and family know and love.
My job is to audition, to try out, to learn music and dance moves. The cherry on the top is to perform - to entertain. That's what I love to do and I'll never give up on that. Next week is another chance for me to entertain my audience and if I change their opinions of me in the process - fantastic - if not, knowing that they have enjoyed what I brought to the songs is enough.
I need to prove I can do this job, that the public can have every faith in me being on the Palladium stage. I know I have the strengths and stamina to do six shows a week - I did 20 per week in Tokyo!
How fantastic to be thought of as good as my fellow cast and equally honoured. It can seem like such a massive feat and the Palladium stage is so far away from us right now. My partner, Daniel, tells me to look at every week as if it's the World Cup final, to forget that someone has to go and that it could be me.
Daniel, I love you and believe in everything you say. Your wisdom and confidence never falters and your support never wavers. It really is faith that gets us through the tough times and everyone has their own. Jeremy our acting coach believes in our sixth sense, our faith, our instinct. I must stay true to that- always.
