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24 September 2014
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ITMA Scripts

Radio Times extract
Radio Times - Journal of the British Broadcasting Corporation

Audio Listen to ITMA
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"ITMA" - No.5
Announcer. "IT'S THAT MAN AGAIN"!
(Band "It's that man again)
CHORUS. It's that man again,
  Yes, that man again,
  Yes, sir, Tommy Handley is here.
ANNOUNCER. He's here alright, and ready to cope with any trouble -
  And there's bound to be lots of it.
CHORUS. Mother's pride and joy,
  Mrs Handley's boy,
  Oh, it's useless to complain.
  When trouble's brewing, it's his doing,
  That man - that man again.
FRED. Pray, scilence for his Nit-wit the Mayor!
TOM. Hello folks - I'm back in my Mayor's
  parlour - up to my usual palour games. I introduced one or two of them to the council last week. We were going to play organs and lemons, , but as we were all over seven and one of us over the eight, we played carrots and turnips instead. What with the potatoes in my socks and the leeks in the roof, I can only describe the result as stupendous! And then we played "Tiddley-Winks" with the lady councillors - they supplied the tiddley and I supplied the winks. After that -
(Door Opens)
SYDNEY. Boss, boss - you'll have to call the police
TOM. I've called them every name I can think of -
SYDNEY. No - no - I mean you gotta call 'em out -
TOM. What! Before closing time? I can't -
  they're on pint duty!
SYDNEY. But boss - all them crooks you let out of
  quad last week is shooting up the town - they're all over the place.
TOM. They can't be worse than the crooks on
  the council.
SYDNEY. An boss, the whole town's goin' to rack
  and ruin.
TOM. Rack and ruin? Are they still on at the
  Empire? Ring up my lawyer, he'll get them off.
SIDNEY. I'm telling you boss - if you won't clean
  up this town, then me my buddie and me'll clean it up for ya!
TOM. Go to it Sam. You can have my bucket
  and shovel.

Frisby Dyke
Sent in by James Brennen, Frisby Dyke's shop was often mentioned during ITMA broadcasts.

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