Here’s your free stuff. Now sit down, shut up and listen.
If you have a WAP (internet) enabled mobile device, you can get the mobile wallpapers, screensaver and audio downloads in one of the following ways:
To download some bleedin' wallpapers, click on the link below that matches your screen, or I will fit you up. Open the crime file and right-click on the picture, Choose 'set as wallpaper' from the menu that appears, if you catch my drift.
Choose the size of wallpaper that you want. The options are 800 x 600 or 1024 x 768. Click on one of the options and a bigger image will appear in a new box on the screen. Move your arrow over the larger image. Right-click your remote control and a 'drop down' menu will appear. Go to 'set as wallpaper' or 'set as background'. Finally left click your remote control. Your wallpaper will appear on your screen.
To find out the best size for you, (of course I am not one to boast but I am large) right -click on your screen, select 'properties,' a box will appear; select 'settings' and take a note of the screen size in the section called 'screen area.' Do it, because the Guv'nor says so, or you will get a slap.
For all you lot who would like to be able to tell the time or take a look at what a copper should look like, grab a screensaver, featuring yours truly, click on the link below that (photo)fits your computer.
Once you have clicked on the link, you'll be asked to download it to a place on your computer, and you had better bloody well do it, or I'll give you a good shoeing. Find where you saved it on your computer and double-click the 'zip' file. Mind you, mess with my zip and you will get a bunch of fives - unless of course you are a lovely lady… You then need to extract the screen saver .exe file (whatever the bleedin' hell that is) from the zip file (you'll need win zip to do this) . Double click via your remote type thing on the opened file to install. Follow the onscreen instructions - I mean it!
Should you wish to be a bit of a time waster, the screensaver's controls are accessible through the Screensaver tab of your computer's Display Control panel. Only a nonce wouldn't be able to figure this one out. Find this in the Settings/ Control Panels of your Start Menu, or by right-clicking on your desktop and choosing Properties from the pop-up menu
*Please note that the screensavers do not currently work on Macs with Intel processors.
Respect your superiors. To take a little piece of me with you at all times select the screen size that's right for your phone.
Right-mouse click on the file you want to download and save it to your computer.
If you're using a PC, choose 'save target as'. If you are using a Mac, you'll need to press 'control' and mouse click and select 'download linked file'. You might have to use your bonce a bit for this - I know it's a challenge…
Save the file so it's easy to find on your computer - I would recommend your desktop. Then use the Bluetooth (the Sweeney Todd must have come up with a stupid name like that) or cable and instructions that came with your mobile phone to transfer the file to the right place on your phone.
Bit of blurb from the woodentops…
The BBC has taken all reasonable care to ensure these downloads contain no errors, viruses or defects. However, the BBC does not warrant that this is the case. You are advised to ensure that you take proper precautions to protect your computer and, where applicable, your phone from virus infection. The BBC will not be liable for any loss or damage that you may suffer as a result of or connected to the download or use of these files.
Downloads from bbc.co.uk sites are only for personal, non-commercial use.
Mobile Sound and Wallpaper Downloads
Want to make sure that your inferiors do what they are told? Have a listen and then download the 'voice of authority' on to your phone. (Yours truly!) Alternatively, you can carry a picture of me wherever you go...
Cheer up love
Come on sunshine spill the beans
Get your coat love
If you don't answer this phone call
Life on Mars radio
Milk with two sugars treacle
Pick up the bleeding phone
She's got the face of a dog
Click on the sound or wallpaper download that you like the best and a box will appear asking you if you want to 'open or save this file?'. Save this file to a memorable location e.g. desktop. The file will then automatically download to your specified location. When the download is complete you will be prompted to either open now or close the download window and you will be able to access the file from your chosen location.
When you are ready to install the sound download from your desktop, either connect your phone to your computer (Mac/PC) via a cable or Bluetooth connection. The network connection can be viewed within 'My Computer' (PC) or 'Finder' (Mac). The file can then be dragged and dropped into this network connection.
To send the file via Bluetooth:
Clear as mud…
If you want to be a snitch and tell all your mates, go ahead, I won't stop you. However, if you step out of line, watch your back…I will be ready, waiting to give you a good knee in the knackers.