NARRATOR: Ah, the island with no name. Prospero up on his mountain top, magicking his socks off. Ariel scooting round casting spells. Caliban and his two new friends plotting revolution. The courtiers wandering lost in the jungle not knowing they’ve got a couple of murderers in their midst. And Ferdinand, dear sweet Ferdinand...
Remember Ariel led him up to the cave? Well, there he met beautiful Miranda. And what was the first thing he did? He fell in love, poor thing. First sight. Bowled over. Quivering wreck. Legs of jelly. And Miranda? She fell in love with him too. Same symptoms – though maybe not the jelly which isn’t very ladylike. Perhaps it was because Ferdinand is quite a handsome young lad. Perhaps it was because she’d never seen a man in her life before (apart from her dad, of course.) Probably it’s because Prospero sprinkled love powder over the two of them. You see, Prospero like all magicians, just can’t help meddling. He wants the two of them to get together. All part of his cunning plan. But not too quickly, mind – first of all he wants Ferdinand to pass a few tests...
So he binds up Ferdinand in chains and gives him Caliban’s job of chopping wood. As it happens, Ferdinand loves chopping wood, especially with Miranda sitting on a rock watching him being all manly...
FERDINAND: This wood’s very nice.
MIRANDA: I know.
MIRANDA: You’re chopping it wonderfully. Fantastically.
FERDINAND: Do you think so?
MIRANDA: Best I’ve ever seen.
FERDINAND: Really? You’re not just saying that?
MIRANDA: Gosh no! I mean – just look at that bit! It’s amazing.
FERDINAND: It is rather good, isn’t it?
MIRANDA: It’s beautiful.
FERDINAND: Not as beautiful as you.
FERDINAND: You’re so beautiful I could sing a song about you.
FERDINAND: I mean...a bit of wood’s just a bit of wood, isn’t it...even a good bit’s never going to amount to much more in life than being a chair or a table. Or a cricket bat maybe on a good day. But wood never makes me want to sing. Whereas you...
FERDINAND: You make me want to sing, Miranda.
MIRANDA: Well go on then. This rock’s beginning to hurt my bottom.