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28 October 2014
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Insults
strange bloke
Strange bloke

Craig Virco sent in a few of his favourite insults - all 67 of 'em!

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1 At the beautician do you use the emergency entrance?

2 She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

3 Look at him, living proof that care in the community doesn't work.

4 You're a real Action Man: crew cut, realistic scar, and no genitals

5 Now do you see what happens when cousins marry?

6 I can hardly contain my indifference

7 When they made you they broke the mould but some of it grew back.

8 Did the aliens forget to remove your probes?

9 Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed

10 Are they your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage

11 I'm not your type - I'm not inflatable

12 I'm trying to imagine you with personality

13 How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

14 I never forget a face and I can remember both of yours

15 Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?

16 Just smile and say "Yes Master"

17 Mummy, I want to grow up to be neurotic like you

18 You look like s**t, is that the style now?

19 And which dwarf are you?

20 Do you know I went through the bargain bin and didn't see that one?

21 If I said anything to offend it was purely intentional

22 That's a fun outfit-it's fancy dress right?

23 Nice dress. Are you hoping to slim into it?

24 He is so ugly they printed his face on airline sick bags

25 I hate everybody and you're next

26 I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now

27 Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time

28 I'm multi talented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time

29 How can I miss you if you won't go away?

30 You're one of those bad things that happen to good people

31 If we are what we eat: you're fast, cheap and easy

32 Sorry if I looked interested - I'm not

33 Well today was a total waste of make up, wasn't it?

34 I'm not your type - I have a pulse

35 Yes, It looks like a willy, only smaller

36 Please keep talking - I need the sleep

37 I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it

38 I like you, you remind me of when I was young and stupid

39 What am I? Fly-paper for freaks?

40 See…. you should never drink on an empty head

41 You're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot

42 There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation wouldn't cure

43 I may not be the best looking guy in here but I'm the only one talking to you

44 Is that your face or are you trying it out for an ugly sister

45 Wow! - You've been hit really hard by the ugly stick

46 Nice hair. Was it that shape when you bought it?

47 I just don't hate myself enough to go out with you

48 Please don't try and kiss me, I'll only laugh

49 You're not paranoid, everyone does hate you

50 Go on, I know you like me-I can see your tail wagging

51 Oh please - save your breath to blow up your girlfriend tonight.

52 Her face bears the imprint of the last man who sat on it

53 I've had a lot to drink - you're beginning to look human

54 You're taking a long time making your pointless

55 Do you ever suffer delusions of adequacy?

56 You would be out of your depth in a puddle

57 Your point has been received, understood and ignored

58 Were your parents disappointed?

59 You were born a blonde, right?

60 If I need a worthless opinion, I'll ask - OK?

61 If I said you had a beautiful body would you sue me for slander?

62 I bet you wish you'd married her sister / his brother now don't you?

63 Ladies & Gentlemen, tonight we have a member of the local freak show in to give us a solo spot

64 With a face like that, who needs enemies?

65 If I was that ugly, I'd shave my bum and walk around backwards.

66 I cannot believe that you beat the other five million sperm

67 You mean to say that Worzel Gummidge had offspring?

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