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Simon
had always told his friends and family "When I win the Lotto
I am going to buy a classic De Tomaso Mangusta, the sleekest, most
stylish, car ever made." Of course, no-one took him seriously.
But, amazingly enough, Simon DID win the Lotto. His face was almost
splitting in two as he smiled from ear to ear. That car would be
his.
He
went down to the showroom and sat in the car of his dreams. The
salesman was droning on about the features, but Simon knew them
all by heart. He watched the salesman's face as he wrote out a cheque
for the full amount. This was one car he wouldn't need a loan for.
The salesman's face took on a fixed look as he realised he wasn't
going to make commission here.
All
forms signed, insurance arranged, Simon eased the car out of the
showroom. He closed his eyes and touched the accelerator briefly,
just to hear the roar, then he pulled out into the traffic.
Simon
drove through the city streets and out into the country. There was
a road he knew, long and straight, going over hills, and there wouldn't
be much traffic on it. No speed cameras either.
He
found the road and just sat in the car, looking over his chosen
course and imagining how the car would feel. All was clear. No traffic.
FOOT DOWN!!
Simon
accelerated slowly at first, feeling the thrust of the car as the
speedometer needle rose faster and faster. 30MPH, 40MPH, 50MPH...
He
glanced at his rear-view mirror and thought he saw a dark shape
come over the hill behind him. It was approaching fast. Catching
him up. Simon put his foot down harder. 60MPH, 70MPH, 80MPH...
The
shape was still gaining on him. It was only a few yards behind the
car. Then it passed him. Simon was astonished, it was a CHICKEN!!!
As
it pulled away ahead of him Simon accelerated faster and faster.
He was doing 112MPH and was hardly gaining on the chicken. Suddenly
it shot off the road into a farm. Simon hit the brakes which squeeled
and complained as the car slammed to a halt. Dust and tyre smoke
billowed out in dark clouds all around him.
Simon
dashed out of the car into the farm. A farmer was looking over the
fence at an enclosure full of chickens.
"Sir,
I know this sounds mad, but one of your chickens was running along
the road at over 100MPH."
"That's
roight, Sor."
Simon
looked at the chickens. They each had 6 legs.
"You
see, our marrket research sez people loiks chicken legs, so we breeds
'em with 6."
"That's
amazing. How do they taste?"
"Dunno.
No-ones caught one yet."
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