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24 September 2014
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Alien Dancing Pants
nice pants
Nice pants...

Sent in by Simon Tinsley.

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It was a day unlike any other,
A day like none before,
The day I discovered Alien Dancing Pants,
In a pile upon my floor.

They were purple with gold stitching,
They felt silky and oh so smooth,
And the moment I put them around my bits,
My hips began to move.

My feet suddenly had rhythm,
I danced dances I did not know,
With the washer I did the lambada,
With the cooker I danced the tango.

The magic in the pants was outstanding,
My feet just would not stop,
Yet when I grew tired of dancing,
The pants just wouldn't come off.

I tried to prise them off with a stick,
But the pants refused to budge,
I tried every kind of lubricant,
From grease to chocolate fudge.

But the pants weren't having none,
The alien underwear was here to stay,
It told me it would take over the world,
The pants we would all obey.

I had to get the pants off,
It was all that was on my mind,
I knew I couldn't spend another day,
With Alien Dancing Pants around my behind.

I tried to bribe them with loads of money,
I tortured them with hot coals,
But the pants hung onto my particulars,
And began to attack my soul.

I had to take drastic measures,
The pants were becoming too tight,
So when I thought they weren't looking,
I blew them up with dynamite.

The pants somehow survived the onslaught,
They were injured and chose to retreat,
Yet the alien pants still posed a threat,
Those pants I would have to defeat.

So I went at them with a baseball bat,
Attacking the groin and the stitching,
After five minutes of wanton pummelling,
The pants were crumpled and twitching.

Then in my moment of exultation,
As I was lost in a victory yell,
The pants managed to escape me,
Where they went I could not tell.

Now mankind was in danger,
The pants their defeat would avenge,
I knew from my dastardly dealings with them,
Those pants would be back for revenge.

Mankind, alas, would not listen,
My pleas to humanity were in vain,
They thought me a babbling madman,
I was bonkers, loopy, insane.

Yet you may choose to laugh at me,
To ignore my yells and my rants,
But one thing you must never underestimate,
Is the evil of Alien Dancing Pants!

They're off and they're coming for you!

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