BBC HomeExplore the BBC
This page was last updated in October 2004We've left it here for reference.More information

23 August 2014
Accessibility help
Text only
LancashireLancashire

BBC Homepage
»BBC Local
Lancashire
News
Sport
Weather
Travel News

Things to do
People & Places
Nature
History
Religion & Ethics
Arts and Culture
BBC Introducing
TV & Radio

Sites near Lancashire

Bradford
Cumbria
Isle of Man
Liverpool
Manchester

Related BBC Sites

England
 

Contact Us

Like this page?
Send it to a friend!

 

More rules for the office
in the office
Look annoyed... it makes everyone think you're busy...

Sent in by Irene Richards

SEE ALSO
Fun certificates
Office Dares
Stupid answers
Excuse generator
Caption Corner
Chat up lines
E-cards
Horrorscopes
Jokes
Insults
Ludicrous lists
Skiver's Corner
Wallpaper
WEB LINKS
BBC Comedy
The BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites.
PRINT THIS PAGE
View a of this page.
get in contact

 

1. Documents
Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.

3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

5. Looking impatient and annoyed
Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

7. Creative sighing for effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8. Stacking strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9. Build vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.

10. Have two jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere.

line
Top | Fun Stuff Index | Home
Also in this section
Competitions
Play the fun pub quiz
Which Lancs lass are you?
Which Lancs bloke are you?
Can thi speyk Lanky?
How fruity are you?
Telly-tastic
e-cards Your Space your pictures Contact Us
BBC Lancashire
Darwen Street
Blackburn
Lancashire, BB2 2EA
Tel: 01254 262411
Txt: 07786 201955
E-mail:
lancashire@bbc.co.uk



About the BBC | Help | Terms of Use | Privacy & Cookies Policy