Tuesday 24 May, 2005 OCD: 'I feared I would drown my children' By BBC reporter Mark Norman

Diane Wilson

Diana Wilson is a housewife from Tunbridge Wells. To meet her you wouldn’t realise she used to be plagued by visions that she would kill her four children.

It wasn't until she discovered that she had obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and learnt how to cope with the condition that she was able to put her life into some sort of order.

Diana has been describing how on holiday in France her mood at night would change. Thoughts would enter her head - thoughts that were centred on the pond at the bottom of the garden.

Bewilderment

To the bewilderment of her husband, Rob, she would place a heavy chair by the bolted door of their room. She was convinced that, in her sleep, she was going to take her children, one by one, to the pond, and drown them. Diana says that she believed that the chair was the only thing that could stop her.

Sitting in a park, sipping still mineral water Diana knows she loves her children and wouldn't harm them but until she finally summoned up the courage to see her GP she believed she was losing her mind.

Since seeking help she has met several mothers in Kent who, when she relays the story to them, confess that they, too, have feared they might drown their children.

Delusions

It is the sort of irrational notion that can surface when you are suffering from postnatal depression. Fewer, however, can identify with the perpetual and alarming delusions Diana lived with in the years after becoming a mother.

Her childbirth magnified a condition that she had had unwittingly been battling with for years. Most people know a little about OCD. They understand that it is a mental illness that can lead to compulsive rituals. However help is available and the disorder can be treated with drugs and therapy.

Diana says she is 95 per cent cured and she is now keen to persuade anyone else who is suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder or believes they need help to seek professional advice.

Information and weblinks

If you'd like to find out more about this condition or seek help and advice visit the websites listed below: BBC website bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health/disorders_ocd.shtml for what the BBC web has to say about the condition Official site ocduk.org For enquiries about OCD-UK, the work it does, or if you wish to make a donation ring 0870 126 9506 (National Rate). The BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites.