The Bands

Hedley Le Maistre's newest video 'Broad Bean Down' is being trailed on the internet site Youtube at 2000 GMT on Wednesday 9 April 2008.

The song, about the upcoming goods and services tax, has been made into a film by local company Fortress Island Films.

Although it's unusual for a teaser to be released for a six minutes film the producers said the amount of interest made it seem worthwhile.

Ahead of the release we caught up with the islands latest ‘National Treasure’ to see what Mr le Maistre has been up to over the last year.

Q: You've been described by the Jersey Arts Trust as a national treasure how much would you say you're now worth?

Whatever yer prepared to pay me, sheg! Although don’t go thinking thet ah’m one of them tarps, will ya…ah’m only ever offered money to keep away in thet respect, anyhah.  As fer the ‘national treasure’ bit…guess it’s tarm we hed a new one, especially since they got rid of Humphrey the Lion and thet stupid stuffed puffin with the creepy eye and clicky jaw from the box. So be it! I’m yer man.

Q: Your new song is about GST - what's so bad about GST?

Nothin’ really. In actual fect ah’m all for it! Everyone’s always moanin’ abaht the number of old folk we got clutterin’ up our spare houses; this GST thingy should help bring the numbers dahn a little, especially rand winter-tarm. Not to mention the reduction of horror cars on ar roads once them grockles desard it’s too expensive to come over yer and bugger off to Centre Parks instead. Nope, for those with a bit of cash 3% on everything ain’t gonna make much of a difference; just make sure to take 0.03 tarms as long whilst usin’ up 0.03 tarms of whatever’s on offer ‘n things’ll soon even aht. Bring it on, ah say. 

Q: Why not stand for the States - good salary - time off in the summer?

Believe me you wouldn`t be the first to suggest thet ah put marself forward for the position of Chief Minister when old Walker hangs his shoes up later on this yer. Ah’ve already spent some tarm in trainin’ fr the role, listenen’ to old Leonard Cohen records at half-speed, bangin’ mah head against a variety of brick walls, thet karnd of thing. Can`t say it’s all thet appealing at the moment, despart the perks, though ah`ll letcha know if ah change ma marnd.

Q: You've become a bit of a internet video star with nearly 30 thousand views of Take That Grouville - how does fame feel?

Let’s face it…I only wrote the song. It’s them sods at Thousand Arland films what filmed it thet deserve all the fame, not to mention thet daft bugger Clarv Pierced what dressed up in flat cap and tweeds pretendin’ to be me. They’re the famous ones. Come to think of it Clarv’s started makin’ all sorts of unreasonable demands for starrin’ in the next one (five caulies instead of the usual two, sugar coated sprouts in the dressing room, thet karnd of thing), so ah suppose you could say thet fame has hed an effect on Hedley after all!

Q: Given the tremendous opposition to GST are there any other laws that you think should be scrapped?

Thet ‘ten artems or under’ check-out till at the Co-Op has always struck me as a bit harsh, especially considerin’ the number of tarms ah’ve hed eleven in mah basket. And cyclists – they`re a pain in the arse when yer tryin’ ta get yer tractor through the lanes. Har tarm they was outlawed altogether.

Q: If you could introduce any new laws or rules what would they be?

There’s many. An immediate ban prohibiting all States members from ever appearing on Newsnart would probably be at the top of my priorities, closely followed by an enforced public shearing of Mitch Couriard’s beard; that’ll teach ‘im to pester me ‘baht the brancage! In the interest of the environment and mah general sanity the introduction of a Chinese-style `one child` only policy for four wheel drahve owners would probably come next, movin’ swiftly on with the installation of a giant chain-link electric fence arahnd the perimeter of St Ouen. Ah’ve been portioning the States with thet one fer years.

Q: Cows are leaving Jersey - what can we do to encourage them to stay?

Build more barns. What with all the existing ones being knocked-in and sold as buy-to-let flats on the mainland it’s not hard to see why our cows have decided to hoof it elsewhere. More barns for local cows, thet’s what ah say, perhaps with some karnd of shared heck-witty system ensurin’ thet the States get beck a whoppin’ great investment return when them barns eventually get  knocked-in and sold to mainland investors as buy-to-let flets fifteen years dahn the larn.

Q: You've written a song calling for the invasion of Sark. The UK Government are pressuring them to become democratic - does that scupper your plans?

And who says you can`t invade a democracy!? The States of Jersey do it every day!