London

Twelve years ago Penny Cooper's marriage broke up.

At first her two girls, aged four and six, lived with her while her ex-husband saw them for alternate weekends and holidays.

But eight years later, he launched a residency order.

Penny explains how this changed her life, "I had been the breadwinner. I cooked, cleaned and organised everything.

"But the Judge thought that because I came home after 7pm, I must be a wicked mother who put my children second….

"My ex-husband's barrister used the fact that I had used a nursery against me in court."

Penny lost her daughters four years ago when they chose to live with their father.

Taking children by stealth

Another woman with this experience is Margaret whose difficulties began much earlier when her husband decided to try and take her two young boys away without the court's approval.

Mothers apart - living without children.

"When we decided to split, he told me he'd do everything to stop me keeping my children.

"He took them off that same afternoon for a trip saying he'd bring them back at teatime.

"Then as he left he shouted from the car window 'I lied, I'm never coming back'.

"While I was out later that day, his family came into the house and took every last piece of my children's belongings…"

At first Margaret applied to her local court who gave her full custody of both her boys.

But her husband went to the High Court where Margaret's career, like Penny's, helped her to lose primary care of the children.

Losing the children

Margaret and Penny aren't unique in losing their children.

Penny Cooper - providing a lifeline.

According to the Child Support Agency, there are now over 68,000 women in Britain living apart from their children.

Unofficial estimates put the figure at nearer twice that amount.

A mostly unrecognised phenomenon, there is only one organisation that not only recognises these women but gives them someone they can turn to.

The support group, MATCH (Mothers Apart From Their Children), is run by volunteers who also have the experience of being apart from their children.

Margaret is a long term member and Penny is their Secretary.

Self help

Founded in 1979, MATCH.is a self help organisation which offers non-judgemental emotional support to mothers all over the world who are apart from their children for many complex reasons.

MATCH has supported hundreds of mothers after their children have been taken into care, adopted, fostered, abducted abroad or alienated from them after high-conflict divorces.

Penny explains how it can help, "MATCH has been a lifesaver. We're mainly professional women and there's a special bond between us.

"Many women I know say that just knowing that they're not the only one comes as such a massive relief."

For more information

To Contact MATCH, write to: MATCH, BM Box No. 6334. London, WC1N 3XX.

Email enquiries to enquiries@matchmothers.org