Female embarrassment at the GPs

Physical problems

Women are generally better at accessing healthcare and more used to regular intimate examinations which may be needed for contraception, maternity or cervical smear checks.

Cultural and social pressures on women regarding their appearance, and the fact that women generally tend to discuss their own and their family’s health more amongst themselves, may lead them to be better at being aware of changes in their body and accessing health advice sooner than men. But this doesn't mean they don't find being examined embarrassing.

Help your doctor to help you

Women, like men, may find it difficult to discuss embarrassing topics. Remember, you‘re not alone - your doctor is trained in talking about every aspect of life and won’t be embarrassed or laugh. They’ve almost certainly come across the problem in other patients.

Start by choosing which doctor in your surgery you are most at ease with. You may prefer to see a female doctor, or to discuss the problem first with the practice nurse. Medical professionals should be good at recognising when a patient is having difficulty approaching an embarrassing condition or issue, and will gently give you opportunities to broach the subject, perhaps asking questions around the topic which are easier to answer whilst making it clear they understand your embarrassment.

Problems with bowel and bladder function, breast lumps and sexual relationships can take several visits to get talking about – women often ‘test out’ the doctor with other problems first, mentioning the real reason for the visit as a parting throw-away comment.

Try writing a couple of notes or questions down at home, no matter how silly or personal you may feel it sounds, and take the note to your doctor who won't laugh but will work through it with you. If you can’t face the doctor, send it as a letter or email first, saying you will come in to discuss it.

Alternatively, you may feel more comfortable telling other members of the healthcare team first, such as the practice nurse or health visitor. They can then make a note for your GP.

Physical examination

Women can be very shy about being examined, even in non-intimate areas. Some do find it easier to see a female doctor. Asking for a description of the examination and what to expect before they start will help you focus on what they’re doing and why. Don’t be afraid to ask for a chaperone, if one hasn’t already been offered (doctors, male or female, will usually ask the practice nurse or another doctor to chaperone them during intimate examinations – this is routine so don't feel it has any other implications.)

Feeling good about yourself by having a shower before you go to the surgery helps, plus wearing clean, easy to remove clothes and making sure a sheet or drape is used to cover you to reduce your embarrassment over feeling exposed.

Your doctor will be used to doing intimate examinations and won’t share your embarrassment but will quietly be assessing the problem gently and quickly, and whilst slightly uncomfortable, vaginal or rectal examination shouldn't be painful for you. It will help if you can try to relax – take some slow deep breaths, distract your thoughts by shutting your eyes, focussing on other routine things such as what else you are going to do that day.

Sexual problems

Embarrassment over a variety of sexual problems, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), sexuality or sexual practices is common. Your doctor won’t be embarrassed discussing them with you, and will treat these issues in the same way as any other physical problem, as they may need to examine you or refer you to a specialist for further advice.

If you would prefer, you can refer yourself to your local open access NHS sexual health clinic where you will be seen and information isn’t passed back to your doctor - look in the phone book or online for your local clinic or, for the under 25s, a Brook Advisory Centre.

Mental health

Doctors are used to discussing all ranges of emotions and feelings during a consultation and can offer support, medication or counselling referral. They won't laugh or ridicule your problems, will listen and reflect some of what you say, as well as asking other questions about your:

• Energy and concentration levels
• Sleep
• Mood
• Appetite
• libido

They’re used to people in the very deepest of depression or anxiety, talking of suicide or self-harm, and won’t think it odd if you express your own deepest thoughts. Again, if it‘s easier, write down your concerns beforehand. It may help to take a friend, partner or family member to support or prompt you.

Don't expect to cover everything in the first consultation. Your doctor will try to give you the time you need but psychological issues often take a long time to sort, so the doctor may tell you to come back in a few days to continue. Use this time to gather your thoughts and the next consultation should be easier. If you really don't feel you are getting anywhere with the doctor, you may consider talking to other members of the team.