Introducing a new partner

The importance of timing

Ideally. you shouldn't think about introducing a new partner until your children have got used to the fact that you're single. They need time to adjust and accept that your relationship with the other parent is over and there's no chance of reconciliation.

If the ending of your relationship has been triggered because you've met someone else, you will have to work harder to reassure your children that this person is not the cause of the breakdown.

Whenever the introduction happens, make sure it's low key. A first meeting will often work best around an activity such as ten-pin bowling or a trip to the park. Subsequent meetings should build gradually and be taken at your children's pace.

Be sensitive

There are so many negative myths about step-parents that it's easy to assume that your children are going to react badly. But in reality, most simply want their parents to be happy.

However, while they may want you to meet someone else, they may also struggle with the impact that will have on their relationship with you. If you've been single for a while, they may be used to having you to themselves.

Feelings of jealousy are natural and your children will need your help to understand that a couple's relationship is different from that between a parent and a child.

If your former partner is still single, then your children may want to spend more time with them to prevent them from feeling lonely.

Realistic expectations

Just because you love your new partner, it doesn't mean your children will. And, just because you love your children, it doesn't mean your partner will. It's going to take time, patience and commitment to build a relationship between your children and your new partner.

Moving forward together

Children may view a new partner with suspicion if they think they're being kept in the dark about your plans. Ensure you include your children in these decisions as far as possible.

Stepfamilies can and do work. However, they're complex and need special care and attention. You and your partner need to discuss openly and honestly the challenges that your new relationship will bring.