What makes a parent?

The parenting challenge

Being a parent means creating a loving, safe environment for your children as they grow from baby to toddler, right through to the teenage years. You'll need different skills for each stage, but at all times your child will depend on you. You'll become the expert on your child and on what they need to grow into happy, healthy adults.

Loving your child, with no strings attached, is the most important thing you can do. But you'll also have to make a huge number of decisions about the best way to bring up your child. This responsibility brings joy and excitement, but it can also be overwhelming, frustrating or even boring at times.

Most people manage these emotional and practical challenges with a mixture of love, help from relatives and friends, good advice, common sense and luck.

Early days

The joy of holding your newborn baby as he or she looks at the world for the first time can be magical. Having a child opens you up to emotions that are almost impossible to imagine in advance.

After the birth, your emotions are often so overwhelming you can't imagine you will ever forget them. It's worth making an effort to keep some mementoes so you can share your memories with others. Remembering these early days may provide just the boost you need during the points when being a parent seems more of a pain than an adventure.

Try one or more of the following:

• Jot down in a diary your child's birth story. You could record the events leading up to the birth, the moment your child arrived and your and your partner's feelings at the time.
• Keep a copy of a newspaper from the day of your child's birth. This will remind you of how the world was on that date.
• Start a photo album for yourselves and your baby.
• Get other family members to help write the family tree, complete with your new addition.

Getting it right

It's normal to wonder how good a parent you are. Perhaps you're worried that going out to work or being a lone parent will affect your child. You may worry about whether you're being firm enough, or whether you're giving your children what they need. We all hope to get it right and give a good balance of loving care and clear boundaries.

There's no one right way to parent and no perfect parent out there with all the answers. True, there are some guiding ideas - all children need love and affection, to be kept safe and given limits on how they act, to be warm, fed, clothed and to have the opportunity to learn.

Beyond these you'll find many different ways to bring up happy children. Remember, when you feel confident and positive, your children are more likely to feel that way, too.

If you're feeling under pressure, don't panic. Instead, try these tactics.

• Talk over difficult choices with people you trust. Friends and relatives may have helpful ideas, or ask for advice from a professional such as your health visitor or school nurse.
• Contact a helpline. See Support for you for a list of organisations.
• If your child is adopted, you may want to seek support from a group that specialises in your situation, such as After Adoption.
• Seek out parents with children the same age as yours. You'll find you're not alone. Playgroups and parenting groups are good places to meet others. Look in your local newspaper, ask your health visitor or at school for information on local groups.
• Trust your instincts. Don't feel you have to take advice that feels wrong for you and your family. Talk through your feelings with a friend or a professional, but learn to trust your own judgement.

Support strategies

Parent power

You'll use many qualities over the years, including some you never realised you had. First and foremost is an unlimited supply of love. Be prepared for the greatest demands to be made on this at inconvenient times - such as the early hours of the morning when small children are refusing to sleep or teenagers are still out having fun.

Wisdom and patience are always helpful, too. Sometimes all you need to do is listen, while at other times you might have to step in and take action. And remember you have special healing powers - a kiss and calm words can soothe cuts, bruises and disappointments.

Developing a high tolerance for mess is useful, along with the ability to do three or more things at the same time. Above all, though, hold on to your sense of humour and never forget that there's no such thing as the perfect parent.