Communicating with toddlers

By the time your child is 12 to 18 months old, she's already learned several words and can understand many more. By the age of two, most children have about 100 words of vocabulary.

Aim to encourage all your child's early attempts at speaking and don't laugh if she makes a mistake.

Give names to all the things your child points to. It's by copying the sounds and words you make - "that's your cup" or "there's a car" - she learns much of her language.

Listening tips

• Read together - this helps to develop words, language and listening skills
• Find special times to listen - this may be at bedtime or while your child's in the bath
• Show you're interested in listening - ask 'open questions' about what your child’s been doing, and what he likes, and give prompts to help him continue
• Be patient - it can take small children time to sort out what they want to say so don't interrupt too quickly or rush to speak for your child
• Show an interest - look at creative drawings and listen to stories your child wants to tell you
• Be sympathetic and ready to listen - explain to him how to express negative feelings using words, for example, "yes, you're sad because you hurt your hand" or "when Peter took your toy, it made you cross"

Common listening issues

Toddlers hate waiting and may forget what they were trying to say. If you're busy and know your child wants to talk to you, say something like "I'll be with you in a minute. I just have to finish this phone call."

They don't want to talk. Parents often say their toddlers won't tell them about their day at nursery or a visit to a friend's house. Ask open questions that don't just require a 'yes' or 'no' answer, and give gentle encouragement by prompting, reflecting back what your child says and showing you're interested.

They never seem to stop talking. By the time they're three years old, most children are in a phase of asking endless questions. Answer as patiently as you can - your responses are helping your child learn. And appreciate this stage while it lasts: only small children think you have all the answers.

They're always whining. Don't fall into the trap of always responding to whining and give positive attention when he speaks normally.

They communicate without words. Sometimes children can't find the right words to explain how they're feeling. Watch your child's behaviour and think about what he might be trying to express. Behaving badly often means a child is feeling bad, for example.

Talking with toddlers

Small children are very literal and believe what you tell them, so avoid saying things such as "you're stupid". Be positive with words and tell your child what he should do, not what he shouldn't - say "please put the cup down" instead of "stop playing with that cup".

Praise and emphasise your child's good behaviour as much as possible, and explain why you're pleased.

Talk with your toddler about absolutely everything around you - "we're putting on our shoes now" for example, or "the rain is starting". This is how your child learns most language.

Talking tips

• Talk to (not at) your child and allow time for their response - giving complicated instructions or not addressing your child directly can mean they don't understand what you're saying.
• Don't use negative labels - avoid the use of labels such as "slow coach" or "lazy bones". These can turn out to be self-fulfilling prophecies.
• Be positive - use kind, not hurtful, words and laugh with your children, never at them.
• Be sympathetic - if your child falls and hurts himself, don't say: "It's nothing." Take the time to listen and offer kind words.
• Never criticise - when you don't like his behaviour, say "I don't like it when you...". And don't criticise yourself with comments such as "I can't get anything right". This can send negative messages to your children and make them feel insecure.
• Avoid guilt trips - don't say things such as: "How could you not eat your dinner when I made it specially for you?"
• Don't exaggerate situations - be specific about what you mean. Avoid comments such as "you're always naughty" or "you never do anything right".
• Don't compare - if you have more than one child, make an effort not to compare them negatively with each other. Acknowledge all your children's strengths
• Use positive communication - this helps to build self-esteem and confidence. If an inevitable accident happens, say "That was a bit too hard - good try though" rather than "I knew you'd drop it".

Of course, it's not always possible to talk to your children in an ideal way - parents aren't perfect and children will also learn how to handle their mistakes from this.

The important thing is to say sorry when you get things wrong and to keep on trying. This teaches children a valuable lesson.