Here's why your toddler may cry and whine occasionally - plus some tactics to help you keep your cool.
Parenting expert Eileen Hayes wrote this article in February 2004. This article was last reviewed by Heather Welford in September 2008.
Toddlers and crying
There are many reasons why toddlers may show their distress by crying:
- Fears - the dark, the potty, insects, animals and so on
- Anxiety - especially about separation from you or being left with a new carer
- Frustration - being unable to manage or do everything she wants
- Attention - wanting you to spend more time together
- Bumps and knocks - she may be scared by how easily she can be hurt
Your child may also be hungry, overtired or rebelling against bedtime - or she may just want to have her own way and demonstrate independence.
Occasionally, whingeing reflects a more generalised miserable mood, which may be caused by hunger, fatigue or illness.
Whining and moaning
If your toddler whines and cries a lot, do all you can to give positive attention to non-whiny behaviour and practise calm refusals until she communicates in a reasonable tone.
If she can't talk well yet, you may need to distract her with another activity when the whining starts.
It's tempting to give in to demands for a bit of peace, but this is a mistake as it'll only make the behaviour worse.
- Don't reward whining by giving your child what she wants - this only teaches her that it's the best method of getting her own way.
- Deal with obvious causes you can sort out, such as tiredness, hunger and boredom.
- Give plenty of positive attention when your child asks nicely or behaves well.
- Respond quickly when your child asks for something, even if your response is no. Don't wait until she moans.
- Keep toddlers busy with interesting toys and activities.
- If you know you'll end up giving in, it's better to do so right away - "Yes, I'll get you sweets today" or "Yes, you can have a video now." Waiting teaches your child that the longer she whines, the greater her chance of success.
You can't give in to everything your toddler wants, and it always helps to explain why. Try saying, "You can't have sweets now because lunch'll be ready in a minute" or "You can't watch a video now as it'll soon be bedtime".
Often, "I want" is really a sign of wanting attention. A cuddle, a bit of praise or a few minutes spent sitting on your lap or reading a book may be enough, after which your child will probably be happy to go off and play again.
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