Newborns and crying

Babies cry for a reason. It's never 'spoiling' your baby to take his baby's cries seriously, and to respond to them. Babies are not manipulative, and don’t cry to wind you up – they cry to communicate distress, and need you to ‘put things right’, if you can.

A consistent response to your baby’s needs allows your baby to gain confidence and understanding that you're around for her and she can trust you - he'll learn to wait for attention eventually, but right now she needs you to come to her straight away. Research shows very clearly that babies who've been cared for in this responsive way cry less as they get older.

Why do babies cry?

Babies cry because they’re aware that something’s not right – and in the early days, hunger is a very common reason for crying. Many parents find feeding responsively is an effective way to soothe and calm a distressed baby, and because feeding offers comfort, closeness and connection as well as food and drink, it really doesn’t matter if the baby feels real hunger anyway – a new baby can’t really tell the difference between the need for contact and the need for food. It’s all the same ‘not quite right’ feeling to her.

Breastfeeding is easier than formula feeding in this respect – quick responses are simple, as there is no preparation needed, and breastfeeding is in itself a close and contact-full behaviour (though bottle feeding can be done closely, too).

Other reasons:

• Sometimes, excessive crying is diagnosed as colic, which is not really physical condition, but more of a description of unexplained, repeated crying that happens at least once every day for several hours.
• Feeling too hot or too cold.
• Discomfort from a nappy.
• Feeling bored and wanting company.
• Being upset and wanting a cuddle.
• Getting overstimulated.
• Wanting to be held.
• Feeling pain.

Seek advice from your health visitor or GP if your baby's crying seems unusual, or if it goes on and on and you're unable to comfort her.

Excessive crying

Some babies simply do cry more than others. Some are more 'fussy' than others and may seem to cry more, often right from birth, with no obvious explanation. Some babies may be very sensitive to changes in their surroundings.

Other reasons

• Difficult birth - for example, babies who were born prematurely, or those who've had to be in special care.
• New developmental stage - babies often cry more just before they take some big steps in learning or growth.
• Tension - some babies sense when their parents are tense and it can affect their behaviour.

Some babies seem to suffer from reflux, which means some of their milk returns up the gullet and causes unpleasant sensations. Your doctor can prescribe medication for this.

Comforting

Try these techniques:

• Sucking - whether at your breast, a bottle, baby's own fingers, thumb or a dummy, sucking is always comforting.
• Carry your baby close - snuggle her close to you in a baby carrier or sling.
• Massage - gentle stroking and massage of all kinds can help calm your baby (ask your health visitor about baby massage classes).
• Music - rhythmic sounds or music can help comfort newborns and even the droning sound made by a washing machine or vacuum cleaner help soothe some babies.
• Movement - rock her in your arms or a cradle, or push your baby in his pram.
• Fresh air - get out and about because even if the crying doesn't stop, it won't seem quite so bad outdoors.
• Some babies feel better after they've had a chance to bring up some wind, so try placing your baby in an upright position against your shoulder and patting his back gently.
• Bath - a warm bath can instantly calm some babies (and occasionally make them even more upset, so don’t persist if your baby shows you she does not like this).
• Take your baby into a quieter room and soothe her by gentle cuddles and soft singing.

Crying in older babies

Babies cry when they're beyond the newborn stage, too. There are a number of possible reasons:

• Anxiety - some babies get worried when you're out of sight, especially after about seven to eight months.
• Wanting company - she isn't crying to be naughty or manipulative but because she wants you to come, and is pleased when you do.
• Teething - not everyone agrees that babies cry because they are teething, but many parents are convinced it causes some crying.
• Having new fears - your baby can start to feel afraid for no clear reason, for example, the sound of the vacuum cleaner or at the sight of particular animals.
• Loss of a comforter - when your baby becomes attached to something she finds soothing, perhaps a dummy or special toy.
• Knocks and bumps - obviously more common once your baby gets mobile.

A grizzling or whining type of cry often begins in older babies. It might help to think of it as your baby's conversation and say things like "I know you're tired and cross" or "I know you're fed up with shopping".

Night crying

Night-time crying can be the hardest for you to bear, as you may be tired yourself. If you feel you're getting desperate - and your baby is more than six or seven months old - you could ask your health visitor for advice on sleep routines. It’s normal for babies and toddlers to wake in the night, often more than once, and for them to need help to settle back to sleep, however.

Coping with crying

Get help and support if you’re finding coping difficult, and if you find you can't stand it any more, put your baby in a cot or somewhere else safe and take time out elsewhere in the house. Never shake your baby.

If you think there is a risk you or someone else who looks after your baby may lose control, then ask for help. Your health visitor may offer advice and support.

Cry-sis can put you in touch with parents who've been in the same situation and felt the same as you may do.