Your baby’s emotional well-being

Starting from birth, your baby has the potential to form secure attachments, and attachment theory has evolved over the past 50 years or so to explain how infants’ social and emotional needs should be met, in order to ensure normal development.

Babies whose needs for love, attention, response and care are not met show serious brain under-development by the age of two to three; they may find learning more difficult, and may need a great deal of careful therapy and ‘fixing’ to grow up happy and confident.

Attachment theory

This is a well-accepted theory by all early years health and social care practitioners, teaching us that babies who develop a secure attachment become more resilient and can take the knocks and disappointments of normal, everyday life and ‘bounce back’. In the long term, people who were securely attached as babies and toddlers are less likely to experience mental health problems such as depression or anxiety, and can cope better with stress.

For parents, supporting the development of secure attachment simply means caring for your baby in a way that consistently tunes into, and responds to his needs. In practical terms, it means:

• Feeding him when he shows signs of needing to be fed – and crying is actually a late sign of this need.
• Staying close to him, and accepting that sleeping and settling is often more comfortable and rewarding for him if he is not expected to be alone for long periods.
• Looking at him, talking to him, playing with him, but taking your lead from his cues (so not insisting on eye-to-eye contact if your baby turns his face away, not continuing with a game when he shows he’s had enough).
• Understanding that when he’s still young, he copes best if only one or two special people are involved in his care, most of the time.

When babies get the chance to develop a secure attachment, and experience parenting that meets their needs for responsive care, they actually cry less at age eight months than babies who have had more ‘distant’ or regulated parenting. Attachment theory explains this by pointing out that a securely attached baby trusts that the world is a good place and that he is an important part of it – he doesn’t need to cry as much to alert his parents to any discomfort, hunger or stress he feels, because he knows other expressions of his feelings will produce a response. He can be patient, because he is not fearful that he’ll be ignored.

More recent work on attachment shows that there are several different styles of attachment, and although for babies, the secure attachment is emotionally-speaking the healthiest, it can take time to develop, and some parent-baby relationships go through different stages and styles .

Insecure, or ambivalent, attachment are often linked with distress or anxiety, and in some cases, parents and babies (and later toddlers) may need to have some form of intervention from a counsellor or other therapist to support a better attachment.

Getting help

Sometimes, mothers who have experienced postnatal depression (PND) or other postnatal mental health issues find it hard to relate to their babies and to become attached. This is one of the reasons why PND and other illnesses need to be resolved, because the effect on the baby can be long-lasting.

If you are concerned about the relationship with your baby, speak to your health visitor, or your GP. There may be services in your area that offer specialist therapy to support early relationships, to avoid long term difficulties with behaviour, and a child’s own happiness and relationships away from the family.