Sex after birth

When it comes to resuming your sex life after the birth, you and your partner may have different ideas. It's normal for either or both of you not to feel much like having sex for the first weeks, at least, and to approach it all gently and tentatively for a while.

The following, perfectly understandable things might make sex seem like a big step.

• Vaginal discharge, which can continue for several weeks after birth (if the discharge makes you feel sore or is itchy or smelly, contact your doctor)
• Tiredness
• Stitches in the perineum
• Finding the time when your baby's asleep and not likely to wake up for a while

If you just let things happen, stay close to your partner emotionally and remain patient, your sex life will probably resume gradually - without it becoming a major issue.

At first, you may need a lubricant if you're nervous about stitches or tears. If sex hurts despite the use of a lubricant, you may still not have quite healed. Any infection can be cleared up with a visit to your doctor.

The vagina usually returns to its former shape well and your partner is unlikely to be aware of any difference. If you have concerns, however, speak with your health professional.

Breasts and sex

Your breasts may feel a little tender at first. Sexual arousal can cause milk to leak, too. If this is something you or your partner find off-putting, try to feed your baby before you make love to help reduce leakage.

Be patient

One of the most important things is for you and your partner to discuss your feelings with each other and take things as fast or as slowly as you want.

If you find you're still not interested after a few months, and it's worrying either of you, take the time to talk about it. You may want to have a word with your GP if it continues.

Tiredness is the biggest dampener on libido, and you may find you need to schedule a time when you can be together. Choose times when you're less likely to be sleepy. Afternoons at the weekend can be a good time, if your baby naps then. You know your baby's routine - try to schedule your sex life accordingly.

Contraception

If you don't want to become pregnant again, remember to use contraception whenever you have sex - even if this is soon after the birth.

Just because you've had a baby doesn't mean you can't immediately become pregnant with another.

If you are breastfeeding and want to use the contraceptive pill, you’ll be advised to choose the mini-pill or progesterone-only pill, rather than the combined pill which has oestrogen and which may have a reducing effect on your milk supply.

Not in the mood

If you don't fancy sex, don't feel pressured into having it. Lots of women go off sex for a while after birth. Discuss it with your partner and be sensitive to each other's needs. Perhaps you could share a massage together. Even if you just hug each other, the closeness you shared can still be there.