When you want another baby

Most families have more than one child and parents often ponder about timing. Here’s some handy pros and cons to help you decide – which ones weigh more strongly with you? Some are major aspects, and some are decidedly more trivial. Remember, though, there are no guarantees. Individual children bring their own individual personalities to a family, regardless of age position.

If you have your children close in age (with less than two and a half to three years between them):

• They may share interests as they get older and be easier to entertain as a unit of two.
• You can hang on to baby equipment and use it again – rather than it taking up storage space for years and years.
• They’re likely to be in the same school for much of their school years which makes school runs a little easier.
• It concentrates your early parenting years into a shorter time, which may mean a shorter career break if you have one.
• They can share a bedroom for many years if you don’t have the space for separate rooms.

But:

• Siblings close in age can be hard work – a new baby and a toddler are very demanding on any parent.
• Two children of similar age can fight a lot, because they both want the same toys, level of attention from you.
• You may need to buy more equipment if they’re very close – a double pram/pushchair, another cot, another high chair.

A wider age gap can have its joys and drawbacks too:

• Older children can understand what the arrival of a new baby means, and can look forward to it. There is no world-challenging shock when the baby comes.
• An older child can help entertain the younger at home and even help with day to day care.
• Older siblings can act as exemplars and heroes to younger ones, and all-round protectors at school and elsewhere in years to come.
• In young adulthood and beyond, the age gap shrinks, and friendships of equals can form.

But:

• The demanding, younger years can seem very long-lasting and when the difficult teenage years happen, they’ll seem to spread out over a decade or more.
• School runs and any after-school activities are difficult to dove-tail with children of very distant ages.
• Family holidays and outings are a poser – keeping a small child and a pre-teen or teen both happy with the same place or event is difficult.

In the end, if you ask round friends and family, you’ll find age gaps challenge the stereotypes as often as they conform to them. The timing of pregnancy is not always easy to order, either – plenty of subsequent conceptions take a while to ‘happen’ so a planned short gap turns out to be longer. If the female half of a couple is late 30s onwards, too, then getting on with things sooner rather than later makes sense – the luxury of precise timing may be something you decide is not possible for you.