How to give support If you think someone close to you is suffering from something more serious than a passing emotional problem, encourage them to talk about their feelings and, if necessary, to get advice from their GP.

Being distressed can make us feel we have little control over our life. It can make us feel alone and that any attempt to get our life back on track is hopeless.

This is where it can help to have support - an empathetic listener - someone who can reassure and encourage us.

When people are mentally upset, their behaviour can be unpredictable. For example, they may:

• become angry and frightened or aggressive
• seem so depressed that you're afraid they will harm themselves
• refuse to accept that their behaviour is in any way unusual
• behave in embarrassing or unacceptable ways
• find themselves unable to cope with day-to-day life
• behave in a hostile manner towards you

Some ways you can help

Listen: a person who's depressed, anxious or distressed needs to talk about their feelings. Be reassuring and encouraging, but try not to tell them how they should feel or what they should do.

Show appreciation: this is particularly important for someone who's lost his or her self-confidence. Small successes should be recognised and celebrated.

Touching: hugs or holding a person's hand can make them feel secure and loved. Massaging their head, feet, hands or shoulders can help to relieve tension.

Laughter: anything that helps the person to feel more lighthearted and forget their problems for a while - films, videos or amusing memories, for example - is beneficial. This is different from putting them under pressure to 'pull themselves together'.

Practical help: assistance may be needed with everyday tasks such as shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying bills or sorting out benefit payments. It's important not to do more than is necessary or you might increase the other person's feelings of inadequacy.

Advocacy: you may need to stand up for their rights and speak on their behalf about anything from benefits and accommodation to the kind of treatment they're being given.

Empowerment: This means helping someone who's mentally distressed regain a sense of being in control of their life. One way is to try to help the person think about what they want - from you, from others and from their life.

It can be very painful and upsetting when a friend or relative becomes mentally distressed, and you may well find yourself in a caring role that you didn't choose.

If so, you'll also need support to help you cope with your own feelings, and time away from the person you're caring for to get an opportunity to relax. Ask friends and relatives for help. Support from a counsellor or therapist may also be helpful.

This article was last reviewed in September 2006.
First published in June 2000.