In this article

Stage one Stage two

Stage three Stage four

Think about your problem. It could be described in general terms - you're feeling depressed or anxious - or it could be you've got a certain phobia or obsessive-compulsion. These labels have their uses, but they say very little about how the problem is affecting you.

To help unpick the problem, it can be useful to split it up into behaviour, feelings and thoughts. You'll usually find that you can link them: certain behaviours will go with certain thoughts and feelings.

It's not important at this stage to try to work out which is causing which - as is so often the case with these problems, it's a vicious circle. Just the same it does help to realise that they feed off each other - as in this illustration.

The behaviours may be things you'd like to do but just can't - or things you want to stop doing, such as a compulsion, a habit, or even an addiction like smoking.

It's important to be absolutely clear that these are very real things that you want to change. These specific definitions are, in part, what will define how successful you've been in changing things.

Many mental health problems are defined by the kind of emotional distress they cause: the depressed person wants to feel happy again, the anxious person relaxed and the phobic person free of fear.

A first step to dealing with your problems is to try to get beyond the sense of distress and be completely clear just what it is that's distressing you so much. To do this you need to look at your thoughts - the third part of the cycle - that come with this distress.

The human mind always has a variety of thoughts going through it - if you're not sure about this try to sit and think of nothing. Not easy, is it?

When you feel distressed, get a blank piece of paper and just note down the thoughts going through your head. This may take some practice. The idea is not to edit them - don't worry about writing in straight lines or about grammar and spelling. You just need to get your thoughts recorded somewhere other than your head.

Another name for these thoughts is 'automatic thoughts' or 'self-talk' - the running commentary or conversation that you may have with yourself as you move from situation to situation. For some people, this will ring a bell and they'll immediately know what this is about. Others will find that it may take them some time to learn to 'tune into' this.

It will also be important (for further work) to rate how bad each part of the problem is. That is:

• How much is the behaviour getting in the way of life?
• How strong are the feelings you're experiencing?
• How strongly do you believe the thoughts?

To help you with identifying - and assessing the strength of - the behaviours, feelings and thoughts that need to change, print out and complete the exercise below. Some points to remember when you're filling it in:

• Sit down to do it at a time when you can be quiet and undisturbed
• Take your time - it's important
• You may not complete it in one session
• It's helpful, having filled it in, to wait a day and then review it
• You don't have to limit yourself to one sheet
• You can spend as much as a week or two to think it through

You should be sure that you've completed this stage before moving on to stage 2.

Exercise: stage one chart (print off and keep).