I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I can, of course, tell you all sorts of reassuring things about how common miscarriage is and how unlikely it is that you have a problem that means you'll never have a child. But right now that probably won't help much, because you're grieving for the child you've lost rather than thinking ahead to another child you might have.

And it's important that you go through this grieving process before trying to move on. Although you yearn for another pregnancy, that child won't replace this first one or wipe out the memory of it.

Grieving takes time

Some people come to terms with their loss relatively quickly, even when they lose a partner of many years, and are ready to move on; for others, the process of grieving is slow. It's impossible to say how long it will take, but it does help to work through the issues.

First of all, try to accept your feelings and that it's quite normal to feel this way. Take things slowly and let yourself cry if you need to. You might find that you feel angry or upset about friends or other women who already have a baby or are pregnant. You might feel lonely or isolated, even from friends who don't have children. Many women also feel very tired after a miscarriage and may lose interest in the things they normally enjoy. You may feel guilty, worrying quite unreasonably that something you did made you lose the baby. It's also very likely that you'll temporarily lose interest in sex.

Talk things through

It's important to talk about all these feelings with your partner and with friends, especially any who have been through a miscarriage themselves. Another good source of help is the Miscarriage Association.

Don't forget that your partner may also be very upset, and may need time and space to work through his own feelings. On the other hand, he may simply not understand the strength of your emotions. Men tend to react to problems in a different way to women, and he may try to help in other areas; by being an emotional rock for you rather than crying along with you, for example, and doing practical things around the house.

Some women also find it helps to make a small celebration of the short life of their child, perhaps putting together a small booklet with a picture of the scan and a poem or letter about your positive feelings for your child.

You should also talk to your doctor, who can check you for more serious depression that needs particular therapy. It's a difficult time, but try to have faith that you can get through it.