Have you ever been to one of those wedding receptions where you thought the speeches were never going to end? Perhaps you've been there yourself giving tributes to the bride and groom? What do you say? How can you avoid offending people? Speechmaking can be very stressful experience.

However, help is at hand because a Gloucestershire hotel has come up with a guide to the perfect speech. James Pickersgill is the conference and banqueting manager at the Tewkesbury Park Hotel, Golf and Country Club. And with that role at the hotel, he must have heard both the great and awful in terms of speeches. He said:

"Some of them just go on and on and on, and I've seen people walk out which is not really what you want on your wedding day."

Alcohol

One of the things that can influence the quality of a wedding speech is the amount of alcohol that has been drunk by the speaker. James agrees that drinking before a speech can lead to disastrous results. He said:

"That's one of the key things - don't drink before your speech. Some people think that it's going to get them through but absolutely muddles them even more and makes it even worse. So that's the first key thing - don't drink before your speech."

Would it be worthwhile having the speeches before the meal to avoid any of the problems that alcohol could cause? James doesn't think so, explaining:

"I've often thought about that but as a general rule I'd say no because a lot of people have been in the church, had a lot of photos and they're really looking forward to something to eat. Some people go to wedding and they don't know too much about the bride and groom, perhaps they've been invited from the other family, and it gives them the time over a meal to get to know people and they're more receptive to the speeches. So, as a general rule, it's better to do it after the meal when people are ready."

Traditional format is best

Many years ago it used to be just one speech at a wedding and that was usually the Best Man. He'd get up and say his little bit and it would be all over and down with. But it's gone beyond that now, there are loads of them and they go on and on. Is the custom of the wedding speech getting out of hand? James said:

"Sometimes up to five people can get up and say something. If they're short then that's okay but when they go on, that just puts people off. People just switch off. Generally, three is good - the Best Man, the Father of the Bride and the Groom. It tends to be the Father of the Bride who goes first, then the Groom follows and the Best Man comes at the end - mostly with the entertaining and embarrassing stuff about the Groom."

Stressful experience

Has James himself ever been in the chair, making a wedding speech? He revealed:

"I've made my own as a Groom. It went pretty well, I didn't say too much about my wife as I was a bit nervous but I made amends in the evening when I stood up and said a lot more. So I did have another chance."

Was making that speech in front of a crowd a stressful experience? James said:

"It was a bit because I didn't prepare very well. One of the other key things is to prepare. Take notes. Don't just stand up there thinking you can do it. Make sure you take some notes on a postcard with some headings. People you need to thank, that sort of thing."

Any other tips for making a successful wedding speech? James said:

"One of other things is to rehearse beforehand. Get somebody you know and trust, and you can just practice with them. They can then give you some hints and advice."

The perfect wedding speech

So, what does James think makes the perfect wedding speech? He said:

"With the Father of the Bride, who goes first, make sure you say nice things about your daughter - go for the ahhh! factor, and just explain why the Groom is suitable and how they make a good match. Don't try and embarrass her!

With the Groom, mention the wife and give her lots of compliments because it's her special day as well. Don't crack Mother-in-law jokes as that's probably the worst thing to do.

And the Best Man traditionally has a multiple role. His speech has to cover a number of bases. Humiliation of the Groom, announcements and speaking on behalf of the bridesmaids and ushers are all part of the job. Any mockery needs to be tempered with sincerity though. And mentioning any of the Groom's past relationships is strictly a no-no."

Top tips for successful wedding speeches

General tips

• Don't drink too much before the speech
• Don't make your speech too long
• Preparation - make notes to use during the speech so you know what you want to say and who you need to thank
• Practice your speech with a trusted friend who can give his opinion on it
• Don't have too many speeches because guests could get bored - the traditional three (Father of the Bride, Groom and Best Man) is always the best combination

For the Father of the Bride

• Don't try and embarrass your daughter
• Go for the Ahhh! factor when complimenting your daughter
• Talk about why the Groom is suited to your daughter
• Make sure when you're complimenting people that you remember to include your own wife. After all, it's best not to upset the missus!
• Give a toast to the future of the Bride and Groom

For the Groom

• Thank the Father of the Bride for his speech
• Talk about how you met your new wife and how your relationship developed. Embarrassing stories of awkward moments go down well here but remember - don't be crude!
• Give your thanks to everyone for coming as well as everyone who was involved in the wedding itself - remember to thank them on behalf of both yourself and your wife!
• Talk about how happy you are to be sharing the future with your wife
• Give a toast to the bridesmaids from you and your new wife

For the Best Man

• Open by thanking the Bride and Groom for their gifts and thank the Bridesmaids and Ushers for the part they've played in proceedings
• Address the couple directly, particularly the Bride as she often gets overlooked during the speeches
• When embarrassing the Groom, the material should be funny without being crude or offensive
• Don't mention the Groom's past relationships as it could upset the Bride!
• Strike a balance between mockery and sincerity - humiliate by all means but temper it with stories of the Groom's good character
• Round things off with a toast to future for the Bride and Groom
  

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