Face it, you're never going to be Samuel L Jackson (sorry!), but with our help, you could be 'Samuel L Cool'. Memorise these handy comebacks, some adapted for normal everyday situations, and you'll have an instant arsenal of quips that'll shut your enemies up and make them respect you too. As for the Jackson swagger, you're just going to have to learn that for yourself...

Your girlfriend questions your choice of queue in a supermarket. Just modify this Jackson line by replacing 'foot massages' with 'supermarket queues' and 'foot' with 'checkout':
"Don't be telling me about foot massages. I'm the ***king foot master".

This little peach doesn't even require modification, and is handy should you wish to appear humble through self-deprecating coolness:
"I never did one thing right in my life, not one. That takes skill".

If you require to plumb even further levels of humility, but again without sacrificing any of that hip veneer, try this:
"My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumb-ass".

When you can no longer stand the photo-snapping antics of one of your relatives (very handy at Christmas), and decide that they must immediately cease. Simply replace 'what' with 'cheese':
"Say 'what' again. I dare you, I double dare you mother ***ker".

Ok, now here's a fast and cool answer to any situation that makes it sound like you know what you're talking about even if you don't. Just take this insightful rumination from Jackson: "Pussy's Pussy", and change it to suit any topical news discussion.
Try, "foxhunting's foxhunting", or "Europe's Europe", "Bush's Bush". Bingo.

Ah, it looks like you're going to have to wangle out of a night drinking with the boys. Just make sure you leave them feeling jealous with this quip:
"You know me. It's my duty to please that booty".

Quick and easy, a solution to any tight spot where you clearly don't know the answer. Just substitute "Vincent" for a name of your choice.
"If my answers frighten you Vincent, then you should cease asking scary questions".

Now that you can safely navigate the world of cool, can you guess which films the original quotes came from? Post your clever answers on the message boards.