Voyage Of The Damned: Fear Factor 4 (Chilling)
How scary is Doctor Who? Our brave Fear Forecasters present a minute-by-minute guide to Voyage Of The Damned.
Amy (6)
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Harry (9)
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Samuel (10)
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Adam (14)
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It's been a good few months since the Fear Forecasters were last together. Harry's grown his hair. Samuel has chopped his short and it's all spiky. There's jostling for the best place on the sofa. They laugh uproariously as they play with an animated monster hand. Things get festive as the Turkey & Stuffing flavour crisps arrive, there's celebratory fizz (lemonade and cola), and some ho-ho-ho from Dad who is laughing at his own Kylie Minogue jokes. And then urgent 'shushing' as the episode starts...
(0) Harry boggles at the damage done by the Titanic. "That's gonna cost to repair," is his considered judgement. "Hey, that's cheating!" objects Adam as the Doctor effects a simple fix. Amy laughs at the simple get-out.
(1) "Has he landed in the kitchen?" wonders Samuel, as the Doctor emerges from the TARDIS. Harry likes the decor: "Oooh, poshy posh posh!" He sings along to 'Jingle Bells'. Dad has spotted Kylie in the background, and points excitedly.
Mum slaps his hand out of the way. "It's Asterix!" declares Samuel, nearly getting the name correct. "And C3PO in a dress!" adds Adam. "Welcome to Christmas!" announces the Captain, and everyone cheers.
(2) New music! The kids bop along, approvingly.
(3) Harry likes the formality on the Bridge. "SIR!" he echoes, as commands are accepted by the crew.
(4) "Good tech," notes Samuel as he studies the Titanic's controls. "Hello Mr Important," waves Harry as the image of Max introduces himself. 'Ding!' goes his tooth and everyone laughs. Harry joins in with "Winter Wonderland".
(5) "Max m-m-m-m Max," gets a laugh from the parents, old enough to remember Max Headroom from the 1980s. Amy asks a pertinent question: "Why are they dressed as angels?" Dad promises to explain later.
(6) The Host falls over sideways and is carted off by the crew, to the kids' amusement. Down in the storage area, though, its head turns… "It's aliiiive!" says Samuel.
(7) Adam's concerned for Astrid: "I think she's the only waitress. How does she manage?" Samuel: "Hey, 'Astrid' has the same letters as 'TARDIS'." "Ooooh!" coo the other kids.
(8) "What year is this?" wonders Samuel. Dad shrugs. Amy takes an instant liking to Foon and Morvin. The buffalo wings joke makes the parents laugh, which gets a funny look from the kids.
(9) POP! The champagne explodes, to everyone's delight. Look what the sonic screwdriver can do now!
(10) "That's Max Capricorn!" notes Samuel, spotting a portrait in the background.
(11) Mr Copper explains about Christmas. Amy frowns - she thinks he's got it wrong. The boys roll their eyes, exasperated by the guide's incompetence. "I think you're a little confused!" says Harry.
(12) "Earthonomics?" puzzles Adam. He doesn't remember that GCSE subject from school. Is he missing something?
(13) It's London. And Astrid's delighted that it stinks! "It's called pollution," jokes Adam, "watch out, it could kill you."
(14) Dad cheers as the incomparable Bernard Cribbins makes an appearance. Wilf explains why the streets are so empty. "I don't blame them," says Adam. "He's making a stand," observes Samuel. "A news stand?" asks Dad, and gets a despairing look in return.
Nicholas Witchell explains that the Queen's staying in London. She'll be safe in Buckingham Palace. "I hope the Titanic doesn't crash into there then," laughs Samuel. The kids giggle, remembering like Wilf what happened to Big Ben and the Gherkin at previous Christmases.
(15) "He's acting weird," warns Harry, picking up on Captain Hardaker's peculiar body language.
(16) The shields are down! "Turn it on!" yells Samuel. "Now's the time to run!" recommends Harry.
(17) The boys have sussed out the Captain. "He's eeeeevil!" yells Samuel. "Bad boy!" chides Harry
(18) "You're all going to die," claims the Host. "That's helpful!" say Harry, sarcastically.
(19) The meteoroids are approaching! "Red alert!" warns the ship's computer. "Red meteorites," observes Harry, pointing at the display. He can see what's coming. "Oh dear..." he whispers, anticipating the impending disaster. "Incoming!" shouts Adam as the first rocks hit.
(20) Amy loses interest in her crisps as the Titanic is devastated! The other kids lean forward on the sofa as the thrills intensify…
(22) Harry "I don't think it was an accident..." murmurs Harry solemnly as the crewmember is sucked into space. "What a lot of dead bodies," says Adam quietly.
(23) The TARDIS is falling to Earth. But where will it crash, wonders Adam... "Will it be Britain... or the Pacific Ocean?"
(24) The Host are on the rampage, their halos dealing death throughout the decks. "Without his halo, he looks like he's got horns," points out Samuel. Harry and Amy look on in silent awe. Adam's pondering something: "Whatever happened to the Laws of Robotics?"
(27) The boys all yell the same advice at the screen: "Nooooo! Don't fix the robot!" Bannakaffalatta is very touchy about his name. "Don't call him Conker Man," advises Adam, adding: "Hey, he's got hair like you, Samuel." Rickston the businessman is still being unpleasant: "He's not at all nice," agree the children.
(28) Foon's confession over her phone bill gets a big laugh from Mum and Dad. "Five thousand credits?" splutters Dad. "I'm not sure I'd be so understanding." Mum slaps his arm. "What's happened - did he find a doughnut?" sneers the businessman about Morvin. "Rickston's horrid," agree the kids.
(30) Amy enjoys seeing Bannakaffalatta get 'engaged' to Astrid. "Everyone wants to marry Kylie," sighs Dad. Mum slaps his arm.
(31) "Kill... kill ... kill..." copies Samuel, as the Host begin eliminating the unfortunate kitchen staff. The other kids stare in disbelief.
(32) Morvin gets his head bashed repeatedly against the wall. Samuel nibbles his nails anxiously.
(33) Amy grimaces as Host is squashed and its hand falls off. "I hope it hasn't got a remote," says Adam. Samuel eyes the animated monster hand beside the sofa. But Astrid is flirting with the Doctor now: "You should see me in the mornings," says the Doctor. "OK," replies Astrid perkily. Samuel rolls his eyes.
(36) Amy takes the opportunity to finish the last of her drink as Mr Copper tells his story. The kids look sad when they hear the Mrs Golightly story.
(37) The Host are breaking in! Amy runs to her Mum and cuddles her tightly. And there's a chasm to cross! Harry spies danger ahead: "Oooh dear..." "That's a biiiiig hole," agrees Adam.
(38) Aagh! Morvin's fallen. "Ohhhhh!" sighs Adam. Everyone's momentarily stunned. Then Adam points at Rickston, yelling "Throw him in as well!" Harry decides that now would be a good time to be behind the sofa...
(39) The kids, mouths agape, thrill to the scene of Heroes v Host.
(40) Harry covers his eyes. There are too many people on the strut! Samuel chews his nails.
(41) And now the Host are flying! Samuel's impressed: "Oh, that is brilliant."
(42) Everyone cheers when Bannakaffalatta destroys the Host... but the family are soon shocked to discover that the plucky little cyborg is dying.
(43)"Bye bye, Bannakaffalatta," whispers Harry sadly.
(44) And now Foon's fallen to her death, too! Everyone's stunned into silence. Except Adam: "That dress was like a parachute," he suggests as a forlorn hope.
(45) Astrid wants to join the TARDIS crew! Delight from the kids
(46) Doctor's orders - things are getting serious. Mr Frame explains he only has eight minutes left. The kids fidget in agitation.
(47) Astrid kisses the Doctor! Amy smiles, while the boys roll their eyes once more. "Ewww!" grimaces Samuel. Adam's more impressed: "The Doctor's a player!" "I'm sure I saw sparks!" notes Harry. "I'll bet," says Dad. Mum slaps his arm.
(48) More Host are defeated, to the satisfaction of the boys. Our heroes celebrate, but the kids point at the pulse device and yell: "Recharge it! Recharge it!"
(49) The Doctor wastes two questions, and the kids don't know whether to laugh or not - he's only got one left! He makes it a good one. A big laugh greets "Take me to your leader!" The Doctor always wanted to say that!
(50) Samuel is delighted as he works out Astrid's plan: "She's gonna teleport. Don't forget the…" Off she goes, and Samuel slaps his forehead: "She left the weapon behind!"
(51) Here comes Max Head. Harry and Amy rejoin Adam and Samuel on the sofa.
(54) Max has a plan to go to Penhaxico II where the ladies are "very fond of… metal?" Mum and Dad enjoy the Dr Evil moment.
(55) Astrid takes action, and Amy goes back to Mum. The kids cheer Astrid on as she bravely drives the truck towards Max...
(56) ...but now she's gone over the edge too! Harry clutches his head in shock. Adam can't believe what this implies: "They're all gonna die!"
(58) The Doctor holds out his arms as the angels approach. "No!" shouts Samuel. Amy's wide eyed as the Doctor flies with the angels. "Well, their boss is dead now," Harry reassures Samuel.
(59) Now that's a surprise… Mr Frame's first name is Alonzo! The Doctor's always wanted to meet an Alonzo! There's a huge cheer as he finally gets to say "Allons-y, Alonzo"!
(60) Disaster is imminent, but everyone's loving it! The kids laugh as the Doctor calls the Palace, and they see the Queen running with her corgis... "I was right!" yells Samuel, not sure whether to be pleased or dismayed.
He remembers what happened to the Gherkin and Big Ben in previous Christmases. Dad loves Wilf's impassioned "Don't you dare!"
(61) Everyone's riveted as the Doctor wrestles with the controls and saves the Palace. There's a round of applause as the Queen wishes the Titanic "Merry Christmas!" The kids wave with the Queen.
(62) Max's photo falls off the wall. "Yessss!" hisses Samuel at this final indignity for the villain.
(63) Can Astrid come back? Amy is very hopeful... The kids cluster together on the sofa. "She's stardust," explains Mr Copper. The parents' lips quiver. The Doctor goes over to the ethereal Astrid. "That's two kisses!" sighs Samuel. Adam is less sentimental: "I'm surprised he didn't fall straight through."
(64) Adam: "He's turned Kylie Minogue into dust!" Dad looks glum. But Harry is impressed with this: "That's really kind of the Doctor."
(65) "Only men survived!" realises Adam. "Except the Queen," Dad points out loyally. Harry's agape, outraged that Rickston got off scot-free. "He's still a twerp, though," observes Adam. Mr Copper comforts the Doctor that being able to choose who lived or died would make him a monster. "Tell that to the writer," blubs Dad, "poor Kylie."
(66) The Doctor and Copper escape to Earth. Harry, relieved, climbs back onto the sofa. It's a happy ending after all. They love Mr Copper's odd geography lesson.
(67) Is that snow, or is it ballast? Who cares, the kids agree, it's Christmas!
(69) Mr Copper's delighted at his new-found wealth. "I can have a house… a kitchen… chairs… a cake tin with a windmill…" Dad smiles at Mum: "He sounds like you." Mum gives Dad a kiss.
(70) There's a 'Coming soon'! The kids yell out what they see... "Beeeeeees!!", "Martha!" "Wilf" "Ooooood!", "Sontarans!".... "Donnaaaaa!!!" Everyone's left with a big smile on their face... The credits whip up the screen at breakneck speed. "So many people!" gasps Samuel. "Happy Christmas to all of them," the children agree.